The Darkness Within
by BuffyAngellover
Summary: Buffy wakes up after The Gift to find the world a darker place then it once was. WARNING: This is very dark and it is rated R for a reason. BA Please RR
1. Prologue

Title: The Darkness Within

Summary: Buffy wakes up after The Gift to find the world a darker place then it once was. WARNING: This is very dark and it is rated R for a reason. B/A

Rating: R

Authors Note: I'm warning you all now, this is a dark piece of work. There will be barley any fluff in this. Angst galore baby! You have been for warned.

Feedback: I crave it!

Prologue

Pain seared through my body almost the moment I jumped from the tower above. White hot shards cut through me causing me to writhe in mid air, soaking my sweater with blood. A heavenly light surrounded me, but this wasn't heaven. How could so much hurt ever enter into a place filled of only joy? No, this wasn't heaven. Heaven doesn't cause your eyes to roll back in your head so far that you think you'll never see again. Yet, this wasn't hell either.

My breath rushed out of me like I knew it would. Death always draws it away. It grabs a hold of anything that you take for granted in your life and steals it to further your descent into darkness. I tried to gasp, tried to take back what was taken from me, but the pain wouldn't allow it. Slicing through my body, ripping me from the inside out, it continued to try and draw a scream of terror from my body. But it would never succeed. No matter how much ache and suffering death threw at me, I refused to scream. My baby sister stood above me watching my death and I refused to make this any harder for her then it already was. I wanted the last sound that she heard from me to me filled with love. Love for her, for my friends, for everything good in this world. I didn't want her to remember me by the cries of abject terror that were threatening to erupt from my throat at any moment.

Gritting my teeth in despair I tried to think of all the things that I loved the most. My friend's faces appeared before me causing a ghost of a smile to form around my lips. But no matter how bright they're smiles were the pain wiped them away. The images were false to me. Smiling faces that I longed to see were down below me staring up in horror as they watched my life being ripped away. There was one though that wasn't here. One that I knew was happy at this moment in time.

Angel.

I called upon his face for the last time. Deep brown soulful eyes penetrated mine, pushing through the curtains of gossamer pain. No matter where I go, or what I do, he'll always be with me. My white night. The one who could rescue me even from the darkest of hours. Even now, when I need him most, his image appears to me comforting me through the mere seconds that I have left in this reality.

Kissing my lips softly, all went dark.

Bliss followed me for daysâ maybe even years after. Heaven had no time. After I got through the portals blinding agony, everything went quiet. Peace filled through my every being, overwhelming my heart with love. I sat safely in a snuggled cocoon of white drifting from one place to another, soft pillows of love following me where ever I went.

I would give anything to go back there now. To feel what I once felt. But hate and reality came crashing down upon me jolting me out of my dreamless slumber into this harsh cruel world.

Heaven was no longer in my vocabulary, in my existence. It was an entity that I would have once and never again. I should have known it would end up this way. With all the evil in this world, all that tarnishes the good, what right do I have to stay in heaven where I was happy while others are down on earth dying in dank allies by the hand of someone they love?

Smiles and laughter are now gone. What once was is no more. And so, begins my story.


	2. Chapter One Awakening

Chapter One

I scrunched my face in confusion as cold droplets of water hit my face. Opening my right eye I was aware of nothing. Darkness surrounds me, but the ground beneath my back is solid. Soon my other eye follows its twin's reaction and peels itself open not believing what the other saw. But it gets the same view as its sibling.

Sitting up I clutch my head as a drum pounded behind my left eye. The rain was coming in heavy sheets soaking my clothes to my skin sending a chill down my spine. Knowing I had to get out of here, had to figure out what was happening, I groped my way to something solid. As my hand hits the surface of a wall I smile with relief, knowing now that I at least have a chance to get out of this oppressive darkness.

I scoot up as close as I can to the surface and shakily raise myself to my feet thanking whoever was listening that I could still walk. I didn't understand. Last thing I remembered wasâ nothing. I couldn't remember. It was there, hidden in the inner most depths of my mind, but I couldn't reach it. Shaking my head I slide my hands along the wall and start to walk. I could think about this more once I knew where I was.

A tiny pinprick of light hit me first. Gradually it got bigger as my feet began to speed up their decent towards the brightness. Upon reaching it though, it was only as big as my fist. Warmth radiated from it, and when I reached my hand out to touch it I have to jump back in shock. A burning sensation had hit me when I made contact. Squinting my eyes into small slits I took a closer look. Smoke protruded in a small thin line from the top making me realize that it was no more then a whole leading into a fireplace. That still meant that civilization was near though.

Looking up above me into the rain, the darkness reseeded. My eyes must not have been used to the blackness at first, but as time rolled on they opened up to let objects in. I could now see that I was standing in a small alleyway littered with old newspapers and rotting mice. The smell of death clung to the walls making my stomach roll in protest. To the right of the little hole was a door. High up on the wood was encrusted a small ornate jewel made of ruby. Fingers dancing lightly upon it I tracked my eyes down to the handle and stared. Silver with specks of gold shone back up at me in a hypnotic way.

Sometime laterâ I'm not sure how longâ I stopped starring at the glorified door and place my hands on the baby knob to let myself in.

Firelight illuminated the room, flickering across the walls of the dingy little bar. The space smelled of sex and death. All around sat couples talking and drinking, women throwing them selves at the men, hanging onto their arm like a lifeline. Yet, this didn't disgust me. People sat in corners jerking each other off as they shared a passionate kiss or two, while others openly rode their what I could only assume was boyfriend, hard and fast. I just stared at them as they grunted there satisfaction through parted lips.

Cocking my head to the side I grasped my grumbling stomach, watching a man approach me from the other side of the room.

"Aren't you a pretty thing?" He openly leered at me. His blond greasy hair hung in his pale face, hooding gray eyes, his hands coming in contact with my hips. Pulling me flush against him he let me feel his definite arousal as he leaned down to lave at my neck. And I didn't even try to stop him.

I was numb. Everything in me felt like it was frozen. I knew what this mans intentions were and yet I didn't even try to push him off. I just stood there letting him have his way with me. It wasn't until a young man pulled him off of me that I was able to snap out of it. Realizing what could have just happened my eyes went wide with horror.

"Stay away from her Mike." The young boy growled.

"Why? She's just like all the others. Just some little blond bint coming in from out of the cold. She's fair game man." He drawled drunkenly. Whisky was now laced with the delicate skin of my neck where he had nipped and sucked at.

"I don't care. Leave her alone."

Mike just laughed at him and grabbed my wrist pulling me towards him. I tried my hardest to break free from his grip, but in the end it was the kid that pulled me away from his cold hands. "I'm not going to say it again." He bit out.

The blond just rolled his eyes but smiled as a scared looking brunette walked into the room. Immediately he strolled over to her pushing her up against the wall.

"Come on." Pulling me away from the site of the man ravaging the girls breasts, the boy lead me into a small secluded room in the back. My heart was racing at the thought of what was about to happen. Yes, he had saved me, but who was to say that he wasn't a monster himself? That when he pulled me away, it wasn't just for his own pleasure? "Sit down." He ordered, gesturing to a cot in the far corner.

Sighing when I didn't comply he lead me to it and forced me onto the hard mattress. I watched as he walked across the room rummaging through a closet by the door. A small candle stood by the cot, giving the room a soft glow. It smelled of must and beer in the cramped area, but the boy seemed very at home in his surroundings.

Finding what he wanted he came back towards me and kneeled down on the floor. "Take off your shirt."

I wanted to run; I wanted to scream in objection, tell him to get the hell away from me. But I didn't. Maybe it was the cold that kept me there, or maybe it was the fear. He just stared up at me though with his deep brown eyes.

Brushing some of his dark locks away from his face he sighed and reached to me. I must have flinched or something because he looked at me as his hands settled at the hem of my shirt.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He crooned as he slowly slid the material off and over my head. Tears pricked my eyes when I was bared to his gaze, my tiny black bra barley covering me. Looking down at the ground he drew a bottle out of a little box that he had brought over with him. Taking an old rag he generously poured the fluid from the bottle onto it. Adjusting himself so he was closer to me he dabbed the damp cloth at my side.

Hissing in pain I looked down and for the first time realized that I was a mass of cuts and bruises. Dried blood stained my pale once flawless skin. Snapping my head up I looked at the man before me.

Silently he tended to my wounds, not once running his hands in unwanted areas or looking at me like I was a piece of meat. Once the finale portion of tape was in place, and the cuts that marred my body was tended to, he stood up and moved away from me, putting the first aid kit back where it belonged.

Turning around he caught my gaze. "You canâ If you want that is, lie down and rest. You look tired." I just starred at him dumbly not quite sure what to say. Opening and closing my mouth I tried to speak but the words just wouldn't come out. Instead I clutched my bloodied torn shirt to my body trying to save my dignity.

"Hey," In a moment he was by my side again. "Look, I know Mike didn't exactly give you a warm welcome or anything, but I'm not him. You're safe here. I won't let anything hurt you." Tilting his head he tried to catch my eye, but I scooted to the far side of the bed refusing to speak or look at him.

He just nodded once before he got up and handed me a blanket and a pillow. "I know it's not much. But it's really all I have."

Taking the items I looked around desperately wanting to offer him some sort of thanks for his kindness tonight. This world was strange to me and from what I've seen so far, I don't like it. But heâ he never once did anything to make me believe that he would hurt me. If there were people like him still living in this world, then there had to be some sort of light left over. Opening my mouth to thank him I suddenly remembered that he was a complete stranger, that I didn't know him. He could be just as bad as that Mike guy out there. So before I could do anything else, I shut it, looking down at the blanket clutched in my hands.

"It's okay," his voice rose from the distance. "You don't have to say anything. I understand." Walking over to the bedside he blew out the candle. "Sleep tight." He whispered before he exited out the door, leaving me alone in the oppressing darkness.


	3. Chapter Two Pieces of Mind

**Chapter Two**

When I awoke the only thing I knew of was that my head was pounding a steady beat inside my skull. Groaning I sat up to take in my surroundings and search for some aspirin. The room was the same as last night. Pitch black with only a single candle lit to give off the simulated sunlight. The space was pretty bare from what I could see. Besides the cot and cabinet on the other side of the room, there was a small bookshelf with a ratty old chair right next to it.

That's where he sat. He had his head bent forward reading something that was in his lap by the dim candlelight. He hadn't even noticed that I was awake yet. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

Snapping his head up he smiled. "'Bout time you got up." Shyly I returned the grin. "I um, made you some toast. You must be hungry." Handing me a plate with the offered food he made sure to stay far back so as not to scare me. I felt like I was being treated like some wounded animal. Yet again, I hadn't really proven otherwise yet.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"She speaks." He said sounding impressed.

"Sorry about that. It was just a... rough day." What else was I supposed to say? If I told him that I have no memory of ever even being in this place or why everything was like it was he would think I'm crazy. No, I wouldn't tell him anything. I'd thank him for his hospitality and then get home to Dawn. Groaning I realized how worried she must be right about now. "Do you have a phone I could use? My sister, I need to let her know that I'm safe." I explained through a mouth full of toast.

The boy looked at me strangely. "A phone?" I nodded. "Miss, phones haven't been in use since the early twenty first century."

"Your point is what exactly?" Fear was starting to overtake me. The early twenty first century? Oh shit.

"Miss the year is 2305. The phones were extracted over two hundred years ago."

My mouth hung open as I processed what he had said. Three hundred years? How could I not remember the last three hundred years? Why was I still alive? Questions raced through my brain ricocheting off of one another, causing my stomach to flip flopat the information I had just received.

Sensing my panic the boy ran over to me. "Put your head between your knees. That's it. Now take deep slow breaths." He tried to soothe. Short ragged breaths were escaping my mouth as I bent over to control them. This couldn't be right. It had to be some sort of dream. There was no way a little over three hundred years had past without me knowing it. Where was Dawn? Or Willow, Xander, Giles? God, any of them. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I tried to control my thoughts. None of this was making any sense.

Flashes of images started to fill my mind. A blinding light, Dawn crying, lightning streaking the night sky. Over and over these pictures filled my head with its own private slide show. Something was trying to get to me, trying to help me to answer my many questions. But I didn't want to see this. Part of me didn't want to know what was going on, it just wanted to curl into a little ball, fall asleep and never wake up.

Snapping my head up as the last thought filled my head I looked around wildly. "Never wake up."

I must have said it out loud because the boy scrunched his brow in confusion. "Huh?"

"I don't... never wake up." I repeated again. "I think I never woke up." Across the room the flickering candle entranced me. It's mere presence seemed to soothe away any fear that had been present.

"What does that mean?" Bending down in front of me he placed his hands on my knees to try and get me to look at him.

"I don't know." Still staring at the flame I shook my head slowly before my eyes traced down to look at the kneeling man ahead of me.

"What's your name?" He asked as I looked at him.

"Buffy."

"Do you know where you are Buffy?"

"Your place," I answered dumbly.

"No, what city are we in?"

"Sun-Sunnydale."

He raised an eyebrow towards me. "Try LA." Moving his body he sat beside me making me turn towards him. I looked him straight in the eye. "What is the last thing you remember?"

It took me a minute. I wanted to say pain, but I knew that wasn't right. There was pain, but something came after the hurt. Something better. My reward. He sat patiently as I thought, never taking his eyes from me. "Peace." I muttered softly. Almost the moment I said it, a wave of warmth spread through my body, starting at my toes and running all the way through.

"You have amnesia."

The warmth immediately left. "You don't know that!"

"There hasn't been peace here for as long as I can remember." He shook his head sadly.

"No, there has to be! I remember it. Yes there was pain too, but it went away."

Motioning to the door his voice started to rise. "There's no peace in this world. There hasn't been for a long time. That little display that happened last night should be proof enough."

"Not everything in this world is bad. It can't be," I stood too glaring up at him. "And you can't tell me otherwise."

"Five minutes ago you were asking for a phone, which no longer exists, and now you're trying to convince me that peace can be found in this hell hole. Hate to break it to you, but you're advice isn't something I can really go on after all that."

Poking him in the chest I pushed him towards the wall. "Then why the hell do I remember stuff that doesn't involve pain? And if you say I'm crazy I swear to God I'll..."

"I didn't say you're insane! You're just not all there right now." Grabbing me by the shoulders he stilled my advances. "Listen, something is going on here. You're remembering things that can't possibly be so I don't think you're from around here."

"I live just a couple hours outside of LA!" I protested.

"No you don't. You may have at one time, but there's no way you could now. No one can even get outside the perimeters of LA. It's guarded by... it's just guarded." Running his hands through his hair, pacing back and fourth, it struck me how much he reminded me of somebody I once knew. "I don't know, are you sure you didn't hit your head or someone.

Biting my lip I swallowed. "I did wake up in the alley right outside here and I can't remember how I got there. I guess it's possible that I fell and hit something." That wasn't it and I knew it, but what was I going to tell him, that I was once a Vampire Slayer and that his worst nightmares exist?

"Give it a few days. I'm sure everything will come back to you sooner or later."

"And until then what am I supposed to do?" I had never felt more lost in my whole entire life. Demons and everything else that goes bump in the night are things that I've faced head on with no fear. But you stick me in where ever the hell I am now and I've never been more afraid.

"Until then, I'll protect you." Matter of factly saying it didn't seem to boost my confidence, but I gave him a smile anyways.

"How's a kid like yourself supposed to protect me?" Truth be told, I would probably have to protect him.

"You'd be amazed at my abilities." He said giving me a slight smirk.

I blanched. Before I had felt as if I knew this kid, he reminded me of someone I knew once upon a time, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. The way he spoke, presented himself, even the way he walked gave me a case of déjà vu, and now I knew why.

"What's your name?"

"I'm sorry," he said looking slightly abashed. "Connor." Sticking out his hand for me to shake I couldn't help but let my heart drop in disappointment. A tiny part of me still felt the familiarity of the boy, but not as much now. Appearances are said to be deceiving and up until five seconds ago, his appearance was screaming Angel to me. Three hundred plus years in the future though meant that Angel was probably dead. Subconsciously I knew I was just reaching out for something familiar and Connor had been the first nice thing that I had encountered in this world. To hear him say his name, a name that hadn't even registered on my radar, killed me just a little bit more.

"Thanks for everything Connor." Bypassing his hand I stood on tippy toes and kissed his cheek. "I mean it."

Authors Note: Please review and tell me what you think. If I don't get more then five reviews I don't think I'll continue because I have a lot of other things that's going on at school right now. I hate school so much, if it wasn't for that place I'd update everyday.


	4. Chapter Three Secrets Revealed

**Chapter Three**

Day's and nights passed by quicker then I thought they would. Yet I have still not ventured outside of the cramped room and into the outside world. Connor seemed to have no qualms about this, thinking it is better that I stay inside where time is passed by talking to each other. He refuses to talk about the world as he knows it though, refuses to tell me the things that are happening outside our dingy little room. In return, I refuse to tell him anything about my past life, even when he insisted that it would help me remember what had happened to me. I would just smile and nod though telling him someday.

To bestow upon him the horrors of my life... or past life, would just be cruel. Here was a bright vibrant kid no more then eighteen and he was asking me to tell him things that would make most people's toes curl. Na uh, no way. Telling him was out of the question here.

So our time was spent by telling each other our favorite foods, or books, and for some reason, my family. He took in the information of my sister and mother greedily like a child starving for attention. Never once though did he tell me about his family, and since I didn't want to pry, I let it go and told him safe stories about Dawn and her annoying little habits.

"I'd like to meet her one day." He said after one of our many hours of deep discussion.

"I'd like that." If she's not already dead that is. Three hundred years were impossible to live through for a human. My heart just didn't want to admit though that she was gone so I held onto the tiny strand of hope that she was still with me.

"I'm going to go out, do you need anything?" Putting on his jacket he managed to reach me through the cobwebs of my mind.

"Can I come with you?" I asked purposely ignoring his question.

Within an instant his eyes became dark and his features clouded. "You know what my answer is."

"Technically, I'm older then you so you shouldn't be so over protective." Feeling superior to his eighteen years, I tried to pull it over his head, but it never seemed to work.

"Yeah, but I know this world, you don't." Grabbing his dagger he slipped up his sleeve telling me it was for protection.

"I can take care of myself."

"You just keep telling yourself that." He threw behind him, leaving me sitting in a chair in a huff. Cabin fever was really starting to get to me. But I didn't dare venture out there by myself for fear that the creep Mike was still lurking. Or maybe it was the cries of fear... sometimes pleasure, that kept me away from the door.

Settling myself down I tried to read. Connor's library of books was extensive, most of them ironically enough, about vampires. Seeing how they were mostly Anne Rice and other dead authors I didn't look too much into it. Now if I saw something like Vampires 101 on his shelf, then I would be suspicious.

Two hours into Interview with the Vampire though I became worried. Connor was never gone this long. He never was away from me for more then a half an hour. Not being able to keep my mind on the book any longer I slammed it shut and started pacing the room. After what seemed like hours, but in actuality was only five minutes I became frantic, knowing that I needed to do something to keep me from running out that door to try and find him.

Cleaning was my only option. Opening up the cabinet door I started looking for some sort of cleaning supplies. I found old rags and a loaf of bread along side the first aid kit, but that was about it. It was the moment I was about to close the door that something caught my eye. On the second shelf where nothing lay the wood looked rotted. Running my hands over the back of it I was easily able to push it in.

Humming filled the room as the once empty cabinet turned inside out it seemed, and presented itself with now a completely filled shelf. Holy water, crosses, stakes, garlic, anything that I would have had in my little trunk back home was neatly stowed on the middle ridge.

"So, it looks like my boy isn't as innocent as I thought." I mumbled to myself, testing the point of one of the stakes. Shaking my head I pushed back into the cabinet wall causing it to become bare again. Sitting down in the chair I couldn't believe that all this time he had been fighting demons and he never once told me. "So much for the trust."

Slamming the door shut Connor stumbled into the room I looked up to give him an icy glare for keeping such a secret from me, but soon was at his side when I saw the blood that covered his body.

"What the hell happened to you?" Leading him over to the bed I made him lay down. Skin the color of paste was all I could seem to see. That and the gaping wound on his neck.

"Got in a fight."

"With what?" Now he would have to tell me. There was no way he would be able to keep something like this from me now that the evidence was clearly marked on his neck.

"Some guy." Okay, maybe I was wrong. Turning around I went to get the first aid kit. In truth, I just couldn't face him right now. If I did, he would surely see how pissed off I was.

"Some guy huh?"

"Yup." He gritted out.

Screw it. I'm not dancing around this. "That's funny. Because to me, it looks like it was a vampire."

If possible, he paled more. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come off it Connor. I found the little toy surprises in the back of the cupboard."

Struggling to sit up he just glared at me. "What the hell were you doing looking around in my personal things?"

"No, the question is what the hell were you doing by not telling me what was actually going on?"

"Sorry if I didn't think you'd believe that there are vampires. You hit your head remember? Don't you think that if I told you that blood sucking fiends existed you'd get just a little bit upset?"

"No." Unbuttoning his shirt I made sure to put a lot of peroxide on his cuts so it would sting even more. "Seeing how I've been fighting vampires since I was fifteen that is."

"Fifteen?"

"What else are you not telling me?" He was silent. "Connor, I have a right to know." Putting the last bandage on his bloodied chest I sighed, tucking my legs under me. "It's time you came clean."


	5. Chapter Four Discoveries and Explanation...

_**Chapter Four**_

_**Discoveries and Explanations**_

"It all started about two hundred and fifty years ago. A vampire by the name of Leon came to LA. For years before that he had been trying to reform the Order of Arelius, a big vamp family that once pillaged our lands in the 1800."

"Yeah, I've heard of them." Something about the name had struck me but I wasn't quite sure how, so I let him continue.

"Somehow Leon had found the last remaining vamps of the Order and convince all but one to join him. Once the elders were formed it was only a matter of time before word got around that a new vamp pack was in town."

"So the rest of the demons out there decided they wanted a piece of the action." Demons were so predictable.

"Not right away." He answered me. "First they were skeptical. Many gangs like that had been formed before, but they were mostly all hype. It wasn't 'till they blocked out the sun that they really got the demons attention."

"Blocked out the sun? As in...?"

"No more light." Connor said seriously.

"How the hell did they manage that?" Disbelief colored my voice.

Sighing, he rubbed his head with the back of his hand. Somehow I had missed three hundred years of life, putting Connor in way over his head in his teaching duties.

"Deep in the caves of Azareth there's a scepter made entirely of light. It's the key to the sun. This thing controlled when and where the sun rose and set, without the scepter the sky becomes eternal darkness."

"So you're telling me that these vamp guys obtained the power of the sun by going to some cave out in the boonies and just taking it?"

"After fighting hoards of guardians, getting past the mystical forces and finding the cave that is invisible to everyone but the maker, yes."

"Nice to know we're making it so easy for them." I never really understood why demons and humans alike always went through so much trouble just to obtain one little thing.

Ignoring me he continued. "Once they gained the scepter they soaked it in the blood of a virgin for ten days and ten nights, offering it a ritual sacrifice every night. Then... no more sun."

"What? Just like that? Poof it's gone?"

"It took them three years to do it."

"Don't defend them!"

"I'm not." He said incredulously

"It sure sounds like you are."

"Buffy," He said warningly, a lot like someone else I used to know.

"Sorry," a sheepish expression formed my face. "Continue."

"After the sun was blocked out it was all pretty much down hill from there. Vamps could roam freely, and the Order of Arelius grew stronger every day until they took over the city and eventually everywhere else. They're still in control today, treating us humans like slaves, doing whatever they please with us. They set boarders up all around the city making sure they're guarded by magic, vampires, anything they can get a hold of. Even if you do manage to escape, there's nothing out there to run to. The world now consists of cities like this, ran by vampires and demons alike. We're no longer the dominate species."

"Wow." It wasn't the most intelligent word to say at the moment but it was all I could come up with after all that.

"Exactly. You think it's bad by just hearing about it, try living it. After two hundred years you get sick of being treated like a slave, but now the last hundred years have been nothing more then repetitive."

Laughing slightly to myself I was thankful for the first time that I couldn't remember my past. That's when it registered.

"Wait a minute. How do you know all this? You just said it yourself, living it and hearing it is a little bit different."

"I did live it."

Raising an eyebrow at him I just laughed. The thought that this kid was over three hundred years old was absurd. "Okay, still needing a back-story here."

"I'm not what you call normal." He said slowly.

"That didn't answer my question."

"Okay, umm... In brief? I'm immortal, but I'm not a vampire. When I hit about eighteen, I noticed that I wasn't changing in appearances anymore. It was like I grew like everyone else, but stopped after I hit seventeen. In short, it's like I'm a vampire but without the fangs and blood lust."

"What did your family think about this?"

"My family isn't exactly the definition of normal."

"Whose is?" I stood up pacing the small area, trying to take everything in.

"You okay?"

"Fine."

"You just seem a little... freaked." Giving him a short laugh I continued my pacing. "Is it because I'm immortal?"

"Seeing how I used to date a vampire, no." Knowing it was too late to take back what I had just said I closed my eyes, biting my lip to keep from screaming at myself.

"You what?"

Turning I gave him a false smile. "Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"You said you dated a vampire."

Throwing my hands up in the air I yelled. "Yes. I dated a vampire."

"But you're a slayer."

"I think I know who I am Connor." I sat at the edge of the bed. "Look, I don't want to talk about it. It's kind of a touchy subject. Tell me more about this Leon guy."

Connor looked at me a beat, trying to figure out if he could trust someone who had willingly kissed the enemy, begrudgingly he continued. "He lives in the center of the city where he can control everything. There's a building right next to his that houses the rest of the Order, it's called the Emerald City."

"Like the Wizard of Oz?" All I got was a confused stare. "Sorry, pop culture reference... long time ago pops cultural reference. Would that be considered history or... Sorry. Continue." Well lookie there, one week back on my feet and I was already rambling.

"The Emerald City is severely guarded. Spells, demons, everything. Anyone who has tried to get in, never got back out. Some didn't even make it past the gates. Leon's smart. He's not going to take any chances.

"Since its permanent midnight outside, everyone has to be on their guard. Vampires roam the streets constantly and if you're not marked your fair game."

"Marked?"

"If you work for Leon then you're marked. That's only if you work for him though. You do his bidding, the things he asks, then you're in the clear. If you refuse to work for him, or you're too young then you're..."

"A happy meal with legs." I interrupted.

"I'm just going to say yes to that."

"Sorry, a friend... or enemy really, told me that once. So, when you say work? What does that mean?"

"Guess." He looked at me in all seriousness. The other night I had almost been raped, I shudder to think what went on in other areas.

"Oh."

"Exactly. Once a week the vampires will go through the offices ran by the Leon and mark you if you're an employee. Employees have to freely offer up their blood once a week or they're killed, in return for this though they don't get hunted if they're out on the street. Vampires need us, they need them. Once a vampire bites you, you're marked until that scar fades away."

"And these people, do they get paid for there... services?"

"No. They're slaves. Money is rare around here. Only the upper-class men have it."

"What's considered upper-class?"

"Vampires."

"Why do I even ask these things?" I shook my head at my stupidity. "So if humans don't have money, how do they get food?"

"Rations. Once a month everyone lines up in the local courtyard and is given just enough food to survive on for the remainder of the month. People that go there and aren't marked take risks. Sometimes they can get passed the guards without them noticing it, but most of the time you're arrested and then raped and stoned in public to set an example for others."

"So what you're telling me is that if you don't work for the Order your screwed?"

"Yup, a lot of the time literally."

Bouncing off the bed I hit the wall, a thin crack appearing in its wake. "This is insanity! Isn't there anyone out there who's fighting against this?"

"Yes, but it's not that simple."

"I'm making it that simple! Hit, kick, stake. That's all you need to do to kill a vamp, so why isn't anyone doing it?"

"Buffy there's people out there fighting. People who are out there every night trying to protect those who refuse to give in to the Orders demands! But it's not enough. I've been fighting this fight for three hundred years and it rarely ever favored in our side. I'm not fighting for the hope that things will get better one day anymore."

"Then why fight?"

"Because I can. Because of me a little girl gets to go home and live one more day with her mother and father. Just because the world won't get better doesn't mean someone's life can't."

"You have an awful lot of faith for a kid." I mumbled sinking down in a chair to my right. "How do you do it? How can you go out there day after day... or in your case, night after night, and not go insane?"

"Years of practice." There it was again, that sexy little half smile that always made me go weak at the knees when I was younger.

Just thinking that brought tears to my eyes. Never again would I see him. Knowing Angel he had gone out in battle. That was him alright, always saving others before even thinking about himself. In a world like this, he had to be long dead. Leon and his little group of rejects probably went after him first. A vampire with a soul was probably not something they wanted around. Especially one that was descendent of The Master.

My eyes went wide. "What did you say the Order was?"

"What?"

"The Order! What's there name?" I shouted.

"The Order of Arelius."

The first tear slipped out from under my lashes. "And only one vampire didn't join huh?"

"Yeah."

Beads of salty water left tracks as they rolled down my cheek at the thought of the one person who hadn't joined dying. "Good for him. He died with a cause."

"He didn't die."

My head snapped up. Tears clogged my throat so bad that I could hardly even get the words past my lips. "What?"

"He didn't die. He lives right here in LA."

My heart felt as if it was about to jump out of my chest. "Angel."


	6. Chapter Five Hello Lover

Authors Note: I'm so sorry but I can't write fight scenes. I hate to read them too so I didn't put any fighting into this really. Sorry again.

_**Chapter 5**_

_**Hello Lover**_

Frantically I wondered through the ever lasting darkened street. The moment Connor had confirmed that Angel was the vampire in question I had jumped from my chair walking determinedly through the bar, knocking Mike's advances aside on my way out.

Somewhere behind me I could hear Connor yelling at me to come back. So naturally I ignored him and kept walking. Angel was somewhere in this city, the last connection to my past was still out there somewhere and I was going to find him. Maybe he could give me some insight to what the hell was going on with me. But most of all I just wanted to see his face, to feel his arms wrap around me and tell me everything was going to be okay.

"Buffy what the hell do you think you're doing?" Connor snapped at me as he grabbed my arm, spinning me to face him.

"Finding Angel." I tried to pull out of his grasp but he just held on tighter. The kid definitely had a good grip.

"How do you even know Angel?"

"I just do! Now let go!" I shoved him as hard as I could and continued to walk.

"You don't even know where your going!" He shouted from his position on the ground.

Stopping I closed my eyes and opened up the part of me that has been shut down for years. Reaching out with all my senses I searched for him, the other half of my soul. The tingling was faint first, but the more I concentrated the stronger it became.

"Yes I do." I muttered back to him and turned down a dark alley.

The darkness seemed to overwhelm everything, swallowing it up into its depressing embrace. Putting my hands in front of me like a blind man I felt around for some sort of contact. My heart told me to go down here so I wasn't turning back no matter what. Brushing aside cobwebs from the dusty alley I saw a faint light above me. Looking up I noticed a small opening making me wonder how the hell I was suddenly underground. Obviously this wasn't an alleyway; it was probably an old left over sewer tunnel from back in the day.

Hoisting my self up I wriggled through the whole being greeted by the same darkness, but this time it was dotted with the occasional street lamp. Just like in the alley I woke up in, this one was covered in garbage and old newspapers.

Up ahead I heard voices which automatically caused me to freeze. So far my experience with outsiders hasn't been all that great so far so I was hesitant to advance any further at the moment. Faint sounds of harsh whispers reached my ears, but I couldn't make out the voices yet. That was until the yelling started that is.

"Fuck you!"

"Kiss your mother with that mouth?" I froze. That voice was so gut wrenchingly familiar.

"Now Angelus, why on earth did you go and do that for." Someone said as I started creeping forward through the alley.

"Names Angel."

"What's in a name?"

"You going to start reciting poetry on me now? I thought Leon's lackeys were smart?" A bone crunching sound ringed through the air, followed by a few chuckling.

"Come on Charlie, I know you got more in you than that." Angel said.

Peering around the corner I saw him and I couldn't help but smile. It was the same old Angel, dark pants followed by a dark shirt, and of course it was all topped off by the infamous black leather coat. A small smiled played on his lips as he spit blood to the ground. Cocky as ever I see.

"Oh I'm just getting started. The real pain has yet to begin." The vamp said. There were over a dozen of them circled around Angel. Some held crow bars while others simply popped there knuckles in anticipation.

"So why are we still talking then?" Angel was the one to throw the next punch, hitting the vamp square in the jaw. That's when all hell broke loose. All at once the vampires came at him from all sides hitting and kicking like madmen. Yet Angel didn't seem to be worried. My heart nearly stopped at his graceful movement. Kick, hit, stake. His moves were still familiar to me after all these years, but I was almost positive that he had gotten stronger. For anyone to still be standing with all the vamps surrounding him was a miracle in it's own.

"Oh shit." Connor said as he ran up behind me watching Angel take three vamps out all at once. I had been so entranced at seeing him again that I hadn't even heard Connor's approach. Without a moments thought Connor rushed head long into battle staking two vamps almost immediately.

That's when I noticed how much Connor's movements were like Angels. The two of them fought almost identically, spinning and kicking in such a way that I had only seen one of them do before.

Shrugging it off I stepped in myself, grabbing a discarded stake that one of the dead vampires had once held. I could tell Angel was getting tired by the lagging uppercut he just gave. He already was a mass of cuts from the crowbars that now lay abandoned on the ground.

It felt so good to fight again. It was like a part of me was just waking up for the first time in forever. The movements came back to me with ease and before no time I had killed five of the remaining vamps. Looking over I saw Connor still engaged with a ugly lanky looking vampire over by one of the lamp posts, while Angel lay on the ground struggling with a vamp of his own on top of him. Without thinking I rushed over to him and jabbed the discarded piece of wood into the back of the monster watching as his ashes cascaded to the ground.

Hearing the whoosh of a vampires remains as Connor staked it, I turned to look at the eyes of the man below me. "It's been like three hundred years and I still have to bail you out of trouble." I smirked as his eyes grew wide. "What no kiss?"

Authors Note: Please review and tell me how I'm doing so far or what I could fix. Also a very special thanks for the wonderful comments and suggestions of emerald sorceress, without her I don't think I would have continued this story. But her review was very encouraging to hear. Thank you so much! LUV YA!


	7. Chapter Six Not How It’s Supposed To B...

_**Chapter Six**_

_**Not How It's Supposed To Be**_

Almost immediately he scrambled away from me, backing himself up into a wall. "What the hell are you?" He said as he struggled to bring himself to a standing position. I guess he's more hurt then I thought. His eyes ticked over to Connor and then back again to me.

"I'm... Well, I'm me for lack of a better word." I said simply.

Ignoring me almost completely now he turned to Connor. "Care to explain?"

"Hey, don't look at me, she just showed up. I didn't even know she knew you up until ten minutes ago."

Angel warily scooted by me, clutching his ribs as he went. "You're hurt." I tried to go to him but with one look I stopped. I don't know how many times I had seen that look on his face during patrol when we were dating. Angelus was always hidden right under the surface when he was mad.

"Touch me and you'll regret it." He gritted out.

"Angel..."

"Where the hell did you find her?" He interrupted me.

"She showed up inside the bar, I took her into the back room" Angel raised an eyebrow. "For protection." Connor stated, knowing what the other male was thinking.

Slowly regaining his composure he turned to me. "So, what are you? Demon, sorcerer, another one of Leon's cronies?"

"Angel, it's me, I swear." Fear was starting to overtake me. He actually didn't believe me. I was standing right in front of him and he still couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that it was me.

"Yeah, because I haven't heard that one before." Advancing towards me he pulled a knife out of his back pocket. "Now, either you tell me what you are or we find out the hard way." Refusing to show my fear I stayed in my place even when he came right up in front of me, the cool knife hovering threateningly at the side.

"You really don't believe me." I stated looking him dead on in the eye. "Angel, you know it's me. I don't know what's happened over the years but I swear to you that it's me."

"Strike two. One more and you're out." The knife inched closer.

"Dad," Connor came from the background. "I don't think she's a demon..."

My eyes grew wide. "Dad?" I starred at Angel as something flickered across his face, but in an instant it was gone. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Screw the knife in his hands, now I was pissed. I pushed my self past him regaining my personal space. "I want answers Angel."

"Answers? Who the hell do you think you are coming to my town, wearing the face of.... Of _her_, and then suddenly demanding answers about my life! Sorry honey, not going to happen."

It was my turn to advance on him. "I've had a really bad week Angel and I really don't need this right now."

"Same here." He growled pushing me up against a nearby wall. "Now I want you to go back and tell Leon that next time he'll have to do better."

Pushing him off me I glared at him. "I don't work for Leon! Please, Angel just look at me. I'm Buffy."

"Listen to me..."

"No! You listen to me! I don't know what's happened to you over the past hundred years or so, I don't even know what happened to me. Now, I'm Buffy weather you want to believe it or not. And I'm sorry for coming back and ruining your little life style but I needed to see someone. I woke up in an alley a week ago not knowing where the hell I was or if my little sister was even alive! Then I proceeded to get molested by some creep in a bar, then I find out that for some reason I've missed three hundred years of life!"

A vamp who had obviously been watching us for the past couple minute jumped down beside me snarling. "Not now." I said as I staked him, not even watching him as he clutched the piece of wood in his heart in surprise. "I'm scared." I said looking at the emotionless face of the man I loved. "When I found out you were alive noting else mattered except finding you. I realize now that I should have probably broke the news of me here a little bit better but that kind of stuff doesn't really cross your mind when you're upset!"

I was breathing heavily by the time I finished talking. All through my little speech Angel hadn't even moved a muscle.

"You done?" He said after a few minutes.

I looked at him in disbelief as tears started forming in my eyes. I thought that once I saw him that everything would be okay again, that nothing else in this world would matter because I had him. Obviously I was wrong.

"Yeah," I said in barley a whisper. "I'm done." Turning around I slowly walked off not knowing where I was headed. It didn't matter anymore. The one thing in my world that had always been constant had suddenly been pulled out beneath me.

"Buffy?" Connor asked from behind me. Quickly I wiped away my tears and turned to him. "Do you want me to take you back home?" He asked slowly.

"Aren't you worried that I'm just some demon come to screw up your life just a little bit more?" I tried to say it sarcastically but somehow it just came out as bitter anger.

'No." He took my hand and started to lead me home. "Look, sometimes my dad can be a little... dramatic. But it doesn't necessarily mean anything."

The tears started back up again as I heard Connor calling Angel dad. I wouldn't ask tonight what that all meant. I don't think I could handle it.

"Do you even know why he was acting like that?" Connor asked when I didn't offer him any information of my own.

"You remember that vampire that I dated when I was younger?" I said, leaving it up to that. Connor seemed to understand clearly, just giving me a curt nod in return.

"We better get you home. You must be tired." His voice was a lot tighter then it was before. Something had once happened between father and son; I knew that by the way the two of them acted around each other. But now was not the time to find out. Nodding my head in submission I let him lead me back to what I now was starting to consider home.


	8. Chapter Seven As the Darkness Decends

Warning: This chapter is pretty dark by alot of peoples standards.

_**Chapter Seven**_

_**As the Darkness Descends**_

Months went by with me going about things as usually. Connor and I would patrol the streets for hours at a time killing vampire after vampire. After two days of fighting I had killed more vampires then I would have after one week in Sunnydale. I had also seen more dead bodies lying in the street then I ever had in my life.

Occasionally Connor tried to coax me into talking about Angel and myself but I would always change the subject. Angel's and I's past was complicated, and had been made even more so by the recent events. I didn't think that was something I should share with a son who already hated his father enough.

Even though months had past since the Angel and I incident, I had yet to even ask Connor about the two of them relationship. I didn't want to know. Curiosity still overwhelmed me at times, but I knew that asking the question would just make it worse. A part of me believed that if I didn't acknowledge that the two of them were related then maybe it wasn't true.

Overall I had started to walk through my life as a shell of the person I once was. I can't remember the last time I smiled or laughed, Connor tried constantly to get some sort of emotion out of me but it was to no avail. All I wanted to do, all I cared about, was going out and killing the things that haunted the streets.

Vampires swarmed here like flies. Everywhere you turned you saw one. I had later learned that where Connor and I lived was one of the only places left that Vamps didn't know about. People came there for refuge, which is one thing I couldn't really understand because they were being no better treated here then they were out on the streets. The only thing that was guaranteed at this juncture was the fact that you wouldn't be killed. But if you didn't have money though, you spent your time working it off with the dozens of willing men that worked there.

It was disguised as a bar, everyone knew that, but in the back was a set of many rooms, and if you had enough money you could stay in them. Connor and a few others were trying to make it a place were people would want to come to. They wanted to make so you could come to get away from the horrors of life instead of trading it for one horror to another. They didn't care about the people out on the street living their life in fear. All they cared about was making enough money in hopes that someday they would be able to get out of here.

It was said that you could buy your freedom from this city. There was a man in the outskirts of the town that knew how to sneak you out of LA and into a little countryside where people lived peacefully. The thing was though that no one knew if it was true or not. Plenty of people would go to this guy, but no one ever saw them again. So who was to know if the man was actually getting them out or if he was just leading them straight to Leon? No one seemed to care though because if there was even the slightest chance that they could get out of this hell whole, they were going to take it.

Connor on the other hand refused to leave, or even think of the idea of leaving. He didn't have a single cent to his name and he didn't want one. He couldn't stand the thought of leaving all the innocents behind with no one to protect them. The only reason why the owners of this secret tavern let him and I stay here was because we could fight. If anyone ever found out about this place, we could protect it, thus granting us a free stay.

People sold their bodies everyday just for a little bit of money to go towards there freedom. I never thought it could get this bad. You use to hear about it every once an awhile on the news, on how kids younger then myself were sleeping with men twice their age to try and get passage over to America, but you never really gave it a second thought. Sure you would think that that was horrible and that someone should put a stop to it, but then you'd just go back to whatever you were doing. But now ever street corner you turned it was happening, it wasn't something you could ignore anymore.

The day of the rations was the worst for me. Connor took me there on the first of the month, not to get food, but to protect the others. We got our food through the tavern once a month so we wouldn't have to worry about stealing it, but others weren't quite so lucky. We were only able to save a few of the many people that had been caught that day.

Thousands of people gathered in this big clearing like herds of sheep trying to get their food. Babies cries could be heard everywhere while mothers tried to shush them. Children were the only thing in this city that was left alone if they weren't marked. Apparently killing a baby was too much even for a monster like Leon.

Connor and I stood outside the gates of the food court, away from the guards view. People who were able to get past the guards and get there food would slip up outside of the gate, letting there jacket slip down a little bit, or wiping off the makeup they put on their neck to make it look like they were marked to soon. That's when a lot of them got caught, and that's when Connor and I stepped in. The victims would run around the corner trying to get away, and if they were able to reach us and lure some of the guards here, we would kill them.

I don't know how many times I felt as if I was doing a good thing when I saw one and then two more people escape without harm, or watch the vampires remains slip through my hands. But as the day wore on, the vamps got smarter. They started checking people for scars more thoroughly, catching more and more innocents as they went.

As the shrieks of small children reached my ears Connor had to hold me back. I struggled to get to the people that had just been revealed, wanting to run to them and help. But Connor held me back telling me that if I went out there I would only be getting myself killed and that would help no one. So I watched in horror as the mother of two kids no more then ten watched as she was being dragged off by two vampires. Watched as they screamed and cried out for their mother to come back all the while having her shout out how much she would always love them.

More and more incidents like this came into view as the day wore on. Mothers and Fathers being pulled away from their children, or kids as little as five or six being taken away to become an 'example' for others later in the day.

I slipped down the wall as I saw a vampire haul off and kill a little boy who tried to protect his baby sister from being taken from him. The blood of the innocent ran down the vampires chin as he drank his life force away. Connor sat down beside me and wrapped his arms around me, trying to shield me from the horrors playing just a few yards ahead.

"We can't save them all." He said quietly.

'We can't just let them die either."

"We have to Buffy. If we go out there and try to save them we'll most likely end up dead too. There are people out there that still need our help, and if we're gone who's going to do it?"

"What'll happen to those people?"

Connor sighed. "I told you already. They'll be made an example of."

"When?"

"Later. They'll hold a mandatory public viewing of their deaths. If you're found on the streets or in your home during this time, they kill you. Everyone has to go."

"I want to go too." I said blankly.

"No."

"Connor, either you take me there or I'll find it myself. I need to see what happens to them."

"Buffy you've had a hard enough day already! I'm not going to let you watch that. I don't even go to those things!"

I starred up at him determinedly. This wasn't up for discussion. I had let those people down and I deserved to see them out to the end. If all it did was punish me, I didn't care. The need inside me to go was too great to ignore.

"No." He repeated.

I got up and started strolling out into the public's eye to go and give one of those vampires a piece of my mind. Yes I would die, but there would be at least one less vampire walking this earth.

"Alright fine!" He pulled me back into the safety of the other side of the building before to much suspicion could arise. "I'll take you there."

The show was held no more then three blocks away from the rations area a couple hours later. I thought that the other place was guarded, but as I came upon this view I knew I was wrong. Already in there game faces vamps stood guarding the six entrances into the square with at least six of them at each opening. In the middle of the gated area stood a tall stage like vicinity with various things on it, a cage stood off to the side filled with the people that had been carried off earlier today in the court. More then three dozen humans were huddled in there crying, praying, and begging for forgiveness.

Next to them stood half a dozen vamps keeping guard for any body who tried to be brave and release the slaves. Chains of all sizes laid everywhere on the stage, almost all of them were stained with blood from previous victims. The fear and grief from the surrounding people was almost palpable. Masses of people crowded together looking down at the ground so they didn't have to see the fear in the eyes of the others. Silent tears coursed down nearly everyone's face, while others just stood looking straight ahead, to numb to do anything else.

All at once, as if someone had pressed a button, everyone in the crowd fell down to there knees, bowing there heads in mock respect as a tall man stepped onto the stage. Connor had to yank me down by the arm for me to move.

"Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to our show!" The voice boomed out to the audience. The man that stood above us all was tall and slender with dark curly hair that barley touched his broad shoulders. He was dressed in an expensive tailored black suit with a deep wine colored shirt under his jacket. The smile on his face was broad, grinning at all of us like fools.

"Leon." I whispered. Connor only nodded his head.

"I trust you all know why we're here. These people," he motioned over towards the cage. "Are traitors. They are squeezing in trying to ruin our happy lives." There was a murmur of agreement sent through out the crowd, but only uttered by the vampires who acted as human. Everyone else just glared on in anger.

"These people have defied me making them unworthy to live, to walk this earth. As before, I am warning you. Do not be tempted by them. They may tell you gallant tales of freedom, but all that comes of their said freedom is this," he sneered at the caged men and women. "Death at my hands."

He let that sink in to all the others that stood before him, making them hear the threat that underlined his words. Then, as if in slow motion the first victim was ushered out of the cage. It was the woman that I had seen shouting to her children that she loved them. Holding her chin up high she didn't even struggle, she just walked towards Leon accepting her fait, looking him straight in the eye.

"This young woman tried to smuggle herself and children into the court to get the food that they do not deserve. For that, there is penance." He pushed her off to the side were a vampire waited with open arms, leering at her body. Quickly he tore off her blouse and sunk his fangs into her breast, sucking greedily as the blood hit him. She didn't once scream as she felt her life force drained.

The others weren't as brave though. Victim after victim came and all of them screamed or cried out for help. People around me wept as they saw friend or family members dying before there eyes.

"And saving the best for last," Leon cried out with glee after all of the victims, except one, lay on the cold stage floor, torn and bleeding whatever blood they had left. Some of them lay bare to the publics eyes, not even getting there dignity back after they died.

"This young man," Leon grabbed a kid about seventeen by his hair from the cage. He was stripped of everything, his body a mass of raw skin from a previous beating. Dried blood stained every inch of his body and he looked as if he was barley able to even stay awake through his finale moments of life.

"Some of you may recognize him," Glancing over at Connor I saw his eyes flicker with recognition. "He has spent his whole life trying to kill me, bring down the empire that we all need and depend on, and today he finally gets his. Today he dared to come fourth to me in my home while most of my guards were at the court looking out for the rest of you." He pulled on the kid's hair a little tighter forcing him to cry out as it jarred a deep long cut that ran into his hair line.

"He tried to stake me in my sleep, tried to kill your almighty ruler. And look what he's reduced to now. Nothing. He's just a shell of a person. This is what you will turn into if you do not obey. For seven years Mathew here has been trying to get rid of me, reduce me to no more then ashes, and what does he get for it? Absolutely nothing. Look around you Mathew my boy! Years of fighting for what you call good and this is all you get. Not even a spec of gratitude is being shown for you; they're all looking up at you in disgust."

Mathew, who could barley even see anything out of his swollen eyes turned to Leon. "Look around you vampire. They're all looking up at you in nothing more then disgust. They're looking at me with respect." He spit blood from his torn lip onto Leon's face. "You'll never even be half the man I am."

Enraged Leon hit the boy with enough force to jar his head to the side. "And which one of us has the control here dear boy? Because it looks as if you can barley even stand on your own two feet." Morphing for the first time into his demon visage he leaned down into Mathew's ear. "Any last words?"

"Yeah," he said coughing slightly. "See you in hell."

Leon laughed jovially at his answer. "Gallant 'till the end I see." Slowly he bent forward and sunk his fangs into the boy's neck sipping at the nectar that flowed out. Mathew winced, but refused to cry out in any pain.

Slowly vampires flocked from the gates or from the sides of the stage each taking in a little piece of him. One sucked from each wrist, another from the other side of his neck, the thigh, the chest, everywhere you could think of a vampire had hold of him drinking away his blood slowly. In the end he screamed. There was no way he could stop himself. Every single bit of him was writhing in agony, his protests getting weaker and weaker by the minute. Just as his eyes started to glaze over the vampire pulled away, every one of them leaving Leon and the nearly dead Mathew standing in the middle of the stage.

"Is this what you all want to be?" He called to the crowd. "An animal?" No one moved or spoke in fear that they would be the next to suffer this brutal kind of death. "I didn't think so." Leon's eyes at some point had glazed over with pure anger. The thought that some teenager had almost defeated him was probably something he couldn't stand. Grinning evilly at Mathew he reached down and cut open his own wrist forcing the bloody object to Mathew's mouth.

The crowd screamed in protest and horror. Many of them tried to rush to the stage to make this all stop, but there were too many vampires in the audience posing as humans to stop them. Everyone watched on in horror as one of their saviors slowly sucked down the blood of the thing he despised most in life. Soon his body fell to the ground as guards came and dragged him off, getting him ready for the birth of a new warrior.

"You may leave." He said to the surrounding people. "But just remember tonight when you lay down to sleep, that I was merciful today. I could have let him die, but I didn't. Instead I saved him and gave him the chance to redeem himself in my eyes. You all may not be as lucky though if and when your time comes." And with that he walked off stage and disappeared into the night as the rest of us were ushered out of the black gates that surrounded us and back out into the streets.

Women fell to the ground crying at the horrors they had just seen as there husbands or sons tried to comfort them for their loss. Connor just took me by the hand and led me away from the blood and tears.

Once far enough away, to the point were we couldn't hear the wails of grief anymore, he turned to me. "Are you okay?"

It wasn't until he asked me that I realized that tears had been making there way down my cheeks throughout the whole nightmare. All I could do was nod my head slowly.

"I shouldn't have taken you here." He grabbed me into a fierce hug as I sobbed into his shoulder.

"No, I wanted to come." I said pitifully. We stood there in the dark street as I cried for the sights I had seen, for the cries of anguish that still seemed to ring through my head. For as long as I live I don't think I'll ever be able to get the haunting cries of the people slaughtered tonight out of my mind.

"Did you know that boy?' I asked as I finally pulled away from him, trying to compose myself.

He nodded while his eyes darkened. "I did."

"Tell me about him." I requested. For some reason I needed to know who he was. I felt like he needed to be remembered by someone.

"Me, him and his sister fought side by side for over three years. When she was killed he went insane. All he cared about anymore was killing Leon and everything that was ever involved with him. We parted ways a year later after he almost got about a dozen of us killed because he was more worried about finding Leon then helping us with the vamps that were on our tails at the moment." Connor started walking. "He was a good man," He said a few minutes later. "And a good fighter. I'll never forget him."

And with that we headed back to the tavern where I climbed into the shower letting the water wash away the stench of death as I cried against the wall.


	9. Chapter Eight Safe House

Authors Note: Okay, this is probably going to be the last update until next week since I have to go back to school tomorrow. GRR....

_**Chapter Eight**_

_**Safe House**_

"You feel better now?" Connor asked me later that night. After my hour long shower we had gone out patrolling allowing me to get my frustrations out on anything with fangs.

"Who ever said that kicking ass isn't comfort food?" I quipped. I really was feeling better. Although it took me over ten vamps to do it, but they deserved to die in the first place.

Connor laughed. "Can't argue with ya' there." We walked along in silence both bone exhausted after the days events. I was so ready to just go home and crawl into my bed. As far as I was concerned, I could sleep for a week. "Something's wrong." Connor said suddenly.

"What...?" I didn't' need to finish though because I sensed it too. Giving each other a look we both ran at full speed towards the tavern. The sight that greeted us as we flung open the door was horrible.

Bodies of the young and old lay dead in every corner of the room. Whiskey had been spilt right along side of the crimson blood giving the room a sweet tangy smell to it.

"Shit." Connor spoke first. I don't think I could really get much past my lips at the moment. We didn't even see this one coming.

Snapping my head to the side I heard someone groan in the far corner causing Connor and I to run to him.

"Jack." Connor knelt down beside the once bartender. He was bloody, but not as bad as the others.

"Connor man, I don't know what happened. They just appeared out of nowhere." Connor helped him into a sitting position; besides a deep gash on his head he was fine.

"When did they come?"

"About an hour ago. They came looking like normal people, had a few drinks, laughed it up with the others and then... next thing I know I'm laying on the floor watching as the others become midnight snacks."

Connor stood up and hit the wall. "Damn it!"

"Connor man there's still a few of us left. I don't think they found the back rooms. We could rebuild."

"Where Jack? They know where we are and I guarantee you that they'll be back. It's only a matter of time."

"So we find someplace else. We're always talking about how we want to run the tavern our own way. To help people get out of this god forsaken place. Now's our chance." He busied himself with making a stiff drink out of the remaining alcohol.

"It's not that easy."

"Why not?" I said, speaking up for the first time.

"Because it took years to get this place under way!"

"So it'll take a couple years again! It's better then just giving up Connor. Look around you, look what they did. If we don't start this place back up again then more people will turn out like this." I said motioning to the dead bodies.

"Girls got a point." A man, I think his name was Hank, came out from the back room. "There's about a half a dozen women and children back there who had the brains to keep put when they heard the scuffle. They need someplace to go."

Connor rubbed his hands over his face. "Okay, but if we're doing this, we're doing it right. No prostitution and no rent to get in here. This is going to be a place providing nothing but help got it?"

The men nodded in agreement. "Alright, Jack you take the people in the back to your place, they can stay there for now. Hank, start scavenging the streets for a new headquarters. Make yourself scarce though, I don't want any suspicion arising before we even start building."

"Got it boss." Hank gave a little salute and marched out the door almost immediately.

"What are you going to do?" Jack said after a shot of tequila.

"I'm taking Buffy here and getting her someplace safe."

"Excuse me?" I said. Who did he think I was? I had just spent the past couple of months fighting by his side and suddenly he thought I needed protection?

"Buffy it's not safe here for you."

"Not safe? Connor, I'm a better fighter then you are!"

"That doesn't matter. I'm going to be living on the streets for awhile and I can't have you tagging along."

I crossed my arms protectively over my chest. The nerve of this kid. "I can protect myself."

"I know you can, which is why I need you to lay low and rest for awhile, keep your strength up until I need you."

There was no use arguing with him I knew. Connor could be a real stubborn pain in the ass when he wanted to be. Over the past couple of weeks we had become closer and I knew all he wanted to do was protect me but still, I couldn't help but feel a little hurt when he ordered me to stay away.

"Where the hell do you suggest I go then if not with you?" That should get him. There was no where else out there. This tavern was the only safe house here for miles.

A strange guarded look crossed his face, his eyes kept flickering all about the room, anywhere but directly at me.

"Oh no you don't." I said as it dawned on me. "There's no way in hell you're taking me there."

"Buffy it's the only place I know you'll be safe at."

"Connor he wants to kill me! How is that safe?" I yelled frantically.

"I'll talk to him, make him understand."

"Look, I dated your father for three years and there's one thing I've learned. Once he's made up his mind, he never goes back."

"Then I'll force him too!"

"No."

"I don't care if I have to knock you unconscious to get there, you're going." He turned to Jack. "Get the others out of here as quickly as you can." Jack just nodded as Connor practically dragged me out of the door.

"Connor...!"

"Buffy please. I know that that's the last place you probably want to be but it's the only place I know you'll be safe. Just trust me on this."

I starred at him. He really was worried. "Why are you pushing me to get away from here?" There was something he wasn't telling me.

"Angel can explain it to you. Right now you just need to get off the streets."

Half running half walking we made it to Angel's house in record time, taking so many twists and turns that it would be almost impossible for anyone to follow us. I knew that this was probably one of the worst ideas that had ever popped into Connors head but something was seriously freaking him out and I thought it best to just go with the flow. Worst comes to worst, when he leaves I could just walk out the door. It's not like Angel's going to want me there in the first place.

Arriving at an old abandoned warehouse we just walked right in. Dust swirled around the empty room making it look as if no one had been inside for years. The plaster on the walls was crumbling with decay while broken chairs and tables lay in the corner.

Walking gingerly in the mess we slowly made our way down the rotted stairs where we reached a small metal doorway that you had to squint your eyes in the dark in order to see it. Connor seemed just fine in his sight though because he just walked up and pounded on the door like it was perfectly clear to him.

A few moments later I heard a latch click and screech through the other side of the barrier as slowly it swung open to reveal Angel. My heart stopped. There he stood in just black sweats while pulling a white t-shirt over his head. It reminded me way to much of my seventeenth birthday. It must have had the same effect on him because he had to quickly cover up the pained expression that had flitted over his features.

"What do you want?" He asked his son gruffly.

"Screw this." I muttered, turning away to go find my own place to stay.

Connor grabbed me by the wrist though and swung me back around. "I need your help." He starred him down, neither one of them blinking until Angel finally stepped away from the door allowing us to come in.

This room was a lot different from the exterior. It was warm and inviting, decorated with deep reds and greens. Overstuffed chairs seemed to just call to you, inviting you to sit and relax in there soft pillows.

"She needs to stay here for awhile." Connor broke me out of my reverie.

Angel laughed at his son. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm not. The tavern was attacked tonight; they were most likely looking for her. I can't take her with me while I find another safe house. You're the only choice I have left."

"Why would somebody be looking for me?"

They both ignored my question and continued to pretend like I wasn't here. "Give her to them then. Once they find out that she's not the slayer they'll get off your back."

"She is the slayer."

"And I'm the pope."

"Look you don't have to believe me but right now I need you to do this. She has no where else to go and even if she really isn't the slayer do you really want her to be out there wandering the streets in plain sight of everything?"

Crossing his arms over his chest Angel glared at the two of us. I had no idea what the hell they were talking about but Connor had seemed to make a valid point.

"Fine. But if she causes me any trouble, I have no problems kicking her to the street."

Connor turned to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Do what he says, I don't want you to leave this room for anything. You hear me? I'll come back and get you as soon as I can." I nodded my head once and watched him leave the room.

At one point in time I would have given anything to be alone in a room with Angel. But now, now I just cringed at the thought of it.

"So..." I trailed off as I saw him slip into his jacket. Without saying a single word to me he walked out the door. "Oh this is gonna be fun."


	10. Chapter Nine Stir Crazy

_**Chapter Nine**_

_**Stir Crazy**_

I've been trapped in this house for over three days and not once have I left the inside of Angel's apartment. To top it all off, he won't even speak to me. He acts as if I'm some sort of wall hanging, just occasionally giving me a glance or two but nothing more.

Every night he goes out on patrol for hours on end, locking the door behind him so I can't leave. When he comes back home he always looks tired and beaten and yet like clockwork he leaves the house to go fight the good fight every damn day. I never could really understand the patience of that man.

It was after he came home today from one of his patrols that I finally had to break the silence. Before now I, as he also did, had been making no effort what so ever to talk to him. Being stir crazy though makes you do things that you don't necessarily want to.

"So, how was patrol? Kill any vamps?" He stopped for a second as if he was shocked at the sound of another's voice in the room. But other then that he gave no recognition that I even existed, just walking on and cleaning his favorite broadsword.

"That's good. My day was interesting too." I said once again. "Do you want to hear about it?" When he didn't answer I continued anyways. "I read a little bit. That was fun. Did you know that the Skeetect demon can re grow any part of there body given enough time?" Still no answer. "I found that interesting too."

God I was a fool. I was asking questions and then answering them right back as if he had spoken. Still, after three days of silence, it was better then nothing. "I saw a mouse today. Well, at least I thought it was a mouse. It was really just a dust bunny in the corner. What does that mean anyways? Dust Bunny. I wonder who thought of that. Did some guy just look at a rabbit one day and say 'Whoa, that bunny is filled with dust'" Okay, now I've just graduated from fool to idiot. "Probably not huh?"

He walked over to his weapons cabinet and put the sword back in its designated spot. "So... what did you do today? Besides killing things that is." Walking over to the closet he hung up his leather jacket, still ignoring me.

"Okay fine!" I yelled throwing my hands up in the air. "I'll stop talking. I just thought that we could maybe engage in a polite conversation, you know, like we used to."

"_We_ never used to do anything."

"He speaks." I muttered. "So, you still don't believe I'm me huh? Well that'll certainly help dull away the long hours."

"Do you like the sound of your own voice or is it some sort of complex you have?"

"Sorry for wanting to engage you in a human activity."

"That's just the thing, I'm not human." He said bitterly, still refusing to look in even my general direction.

"No you're not. But it shouldn't stop you from acting like one."

"So you're saying that just because I'm an _animal_ doesn't mean I have to act like one?"

"Yes." I cringed. "I mean no."

"Too late."

"Angel, I didn't mean it that way and you know it!"

"Don't call me that." He said quietly.

"Why not? I always call you Angel. That's your name." Frustration was starting to get the better of me.

He got up and stormed to the other side of the room busying himself with his books. "I know that's my name, it's just the way you said it."

I looked at him confused. "I'm saying it how I always say it."

"No, you're saying it like how _she_ used to say it."

"Okay this is getting really confusing! You can use my name you know. Buffy. Say it with me now. Buf-fy." I glared at his back. How could he still deny that this was me? He'd been living and breathing... well not technically breathing... in the same room I had been for the past three days. And still he refuses to believe it.

Slamming a book down on the table he leaned against the wall taking deep calming breaths. I hated to see him like this, tortured and weary. I just couldn't figure out a way to make him believe who I was. Slowly I got up and walked over to him. Wrapping my arms around his waist he went completely rigid, maybe even stiffening more when I rested my head on his back.

"Please Angel. I know that I'm supposed to be strong; I'm the slayer, that's what I do. But everything's so different all of the sudden. I don't want to be strong anymore Angel. You have to believe me. I'm Buffy, your Buffy. Please just believe that. I need you to believe that." Tears were pricking my eyes. All I wanted was to take comfort in him, to have him hold me as I cried my pent up tears.

I thought that I had gotten through to him for a moment when his hands slid off the wall and rested on mine. But just as I was about to sigh my relief he slid my arms away from around himself and pushed me gently away, almost as if he didn't want to relinquish our contact. "If you ever touch me again, I'll kick you out to the streets." He gritted out slowly.

I looked at him in horror. I thought for sure I had gotten through to him, that everything would soon be okay. The anger in his eyes told me different though. All I had done was bring up memories of the girl he thought was lost to him. "Why don't you then? If you want me gone so badly, why don't you just through me out? I'd be out of your way and the two of us would be a hell of a lot happier then we are now!"

"Because my son is trusting me to keep you safe."

"That's another thing! Where the hell did this son of yours come from! That is one of the reasons why you left me right? Because we couldn't have little vampires? What, did Connor just appear?" I said stalking towards him with my finger out

He laughed. "Nice try." I starred at him blankly. "You're not getting any information out of me so you can go back to Leon and..."

"I'M NOT WORKING FOR LEON!" I exploded. Taking deep breaths I continued. "I don't even know why I'm here."

He stared at me for a moment as if he was searching for some sort of answer in my eyes. Opening his mouth he was about to say something, but quickly shut it walking over and grabbing his coat.

"Where are you going?"

"Out."

"You just came home."

"I can't do this right now."

"If not now then when?"

Pausing with his back to me he sighed. "You're not her." Then he walked out of the room leaving me starring at the white door.


	11. Chapter Ten Total Desolation

_**Chapter Ten**_

_**Total Desolation**_

When I awoke I could hear muttered voices from the other side of the room. Opening my eyes, careful not to let them know I was awake, I saw a woman sitting on a chair opposite of my bed, with Angel leaning against the wall.

"You look tired." The woman said quietly. She was dressed in a tight leather skirt with matching black boots that reached up past her knees, leaving only a couple inches of bare skin between skirt and boot.

"It's been a long week." Angel answered hoarsely.

Standing up she adjusted her red silk top. The shirt... if you could call it that, barley covered her breasts. All it was was a small bandana tied off at the back, leaving very little to the imagination. Walking over to him she pressed her body up against his suggestively.

"Poor baby." She said caressing his face. Their images played across the wall from the fire burning in the hearth. "Anything I can do to make it better?"

Angel brushed a piece of her brunette hair out of her eyes, starring into them deeply. From the moment I had laid eyes on him I could tell so many things about him right away. It was all in his eyes. They were the most expressive thing on his face. They were distant when he was sad, light in shade when he was happy, and my favorite was when they were dark with untamed lust. But now... now his eyes held nothing. They were blank and bottomless, scaring me more then I want to admit.

Suddenly he leaned forward, attacking the woman's lips with vigor causing her to moan out with pent up desire. She slid her hands up and under his shirt roaming the smooth planes of his chest then slowly began to unbutton it, revealing a smooth expanse of creamy flesh. To Angel, this all seemed to be going to slow for him. With his vampire speed he ripped her shirt off, ravaging her mouth while he proceeded to roam the rest of her body.

Letting the material fall from her, the woman quickly jumped up, wrapping her legs around his torso, not once breaking the kiss. Angel moved down to her neck making her groan wantonly as he nipped and laved at the delicate skin there.

I felt as if I was going to throw up. I knew that Angel had needs of his own to fulfill and everything, but that didn't mean it wasn't going to hurt. That it wasn't going to cause every bit of my heart to ache in unbeknownst agony. The way the two of them were groping around like teenagers was disgusting. Every time his hand came up to her breasts my stomach rolled in revulsion. I tried to shut my eyes and will them to go away but the groaning just kept getting louder and louder. And when I heard the sound of a zipper being undone I thought my heart would stop.

But nothing came.

Peeling my eyes open I saw the woman looking at Angel, my Angel, in confusing as he suddenly stopped kissing her, her hand hovering in-between the two of them. "What's wrong?" She asked as she began to once again rub up against him.

Pushing her away he zipped up his jeans. "We can't."

"Excuse me?" She stood up, not seeming to mind the fact that she was seemingly topless at the moment. "What do you mean we can't?"

"I mean just that. We can't." He started to button back up his shirt with shaky hands.

"It's because of her isn't it?" As she gestured towards my direction I couldn't help but smile. Jealous much?

"It has nothing to do with her."

"Then why are we stopping?"

"Things are... there complicated right now. The vamps have doubled and..."

"And not one of those things has ever stopped you from fucking me into the wall." She said bitterly.

"I'm sorry."

"What the hell is wrong with you? God, who cares if she wakes up! She's nobody, you said that yourself!" I had to bite my lip to keep myself from intervening. "You just can't stand the fact that she just might be your precious Buffy!"

Angel winced as he heard my name come out of another woman's lips. "Don't."

"If only she could know what you've done." She continued despite his warning. "How every night you come and see me, taking out every last drop of your anger on my body. How you sit alone in this room brooding day in and day out over your past crimes. How your forced to live in the shadows in fear of Leon finding out where you are and then going after your son." She smiled wickedly. "Or how about how your son hates you with every fiber of his being, especially after that incident."

"Shut up." He said quietly, his fist clenching and unclenching in a desperate attempt to control himself.

"What, can't handle the truth?" She asked innocently as she advanced towards him, swaying her hips back and fourth. "Can't stand the fact that your own flesh and blood saw you rape a woman right on the street corner? Or the fact that Leon's reduced you to this? A vicious murdering animal?" The firelight was beginning to make her look crazed. "Well guess what baby, it's all true. You're nothing more then an animal now, and you'll never be anything else. Just because the ghost of your past lover has suddenly shown up doesn't mean that anything's different."

"Leave her out of this."

"Why? It is the reason why I'm not getting the satisfaction I need right now isn't it? Why we're not on the rug right now fucking like the demons we are?" He didn't look at her. "That's what I thought. When you decided to stop playing the tortured soul act, give me a call."

"I'm not doing this anymore. It's over."

She laughed mercilessly. "I give it three days before you come crawling back to me." She picked up her top and walked out the door.

I watched as Angel closed his eyes and slid down the wall, his head in his hands. With shaky fingers he ran a hand through his hair, making it more mused then it already was. He couldn't seem to get a hold of himself. His eyes were clenched shut bringing out the creases on his brow, and all I wanted, more then anything in the world, was to go to him. To comfort him.

Violently he hit the wall causing his hand to bleed, and even then he didn't stop. Specks of red hit the carpeting, flinging out towards the wall. After he had exausted his anger he cradled his hand in his lap and sighed a deep weary sigh. A sigh of loss, of confusion, but most of all, of total desperation.

For a long while he did that, sitting on the cold hard ground, just starring off into the distance. And I watched. I used to yell at Giles for being nothing more then just that, a watcher. But now I knew what it felt like. To be on the outside, looking in on all that pain and grief was almost unbearable.

Getting up Angel went over to the sink and washed away the now drying blood. With his head hung low he walked to the door, not even bothering with his coat.

"Where are you going?" I broke the silence first, not caring about anything but him at the moment.

He turned and looked at me and suddenly I knew. He had stopped all those minutes ago because I was awake. This whole time he knew that I was watching and he didn't want to show me that side of him. Whether I was his Buffy or not, he didn't want me to see the weakness inside of him.

"I'm crawling back to her." He said with no feeling what so ever. Tears welled in my eyes at the thought of him going to her. Taking the warmth that she offered him. "Go back to bed Buffy."

Shutting the door quietly he left. Tears cascaded down my cheeks as I heard him heavily descend the up the stairs, back into the arms of the horror. But all that was on my mind was one thing.

"He called me Buffy."


	12. Chapter Eleven Deaths Finest Hour

Authors Note: Okay, I really don't know if this chapter is any good because I have a high fever right now and my brain is kind of muddled. I reread it a couple times to make sure that I'm not just being random. I think it all fits together. If it doesn't make sense though tell me and I'll rewrite it when I feel better.

Chapter Eleven

Deaths Finest Hour

It's been three days since I've last seen or even heard from Angel. The moment he left the apartment was the last time I laid eyes upon him. I've been searching the streets almost religiously, walking around calling his name until my voice had gone hoarse, and still I persisted. What was I supposed to do? It was my fault he had left. I couldn't just sit around that dingy little apartment waiting for him to come back, I had to find him. But even after relentless hours of searching, I have yet to see a single hint to where he is.

I don't think I've really eaten or slept since he's been gone. My minds been totally focused on him. The despair I saw in his eyes the other night had chilled me to the very bone. I don't think I had ever seen him this way. He was always the strong one, never letting me see his pain. Sure it was there, but it was always kept hidden deep under the surface, only once before was it let out.

That Christmas is one I will not soon forget. The way he stared out over the city as I found him, begging me to let him die, the words to this day still haunt me. I had never before seen him so upset. This man had been through everything and held his chin high all the way through. To see him not wanting to go on in life was a blow to the gut. This is why I had to find him. If he was to.... No, I would find him before anything like that happened again.

Opening my senses as I had done before, I followed the tingle that always meant Angel. Closing my eyes I walked down alley after alley, all the while the tingle was getting stronger. When I reached a small dark house I rapped my fist on the door until someone would answer. Expecting to see Angel answer, I was surprised when Connor revealed himself on the other side of the doorway.

"Connor I don't know what to do. Angel's been missing for three days now and..."

"Buffy calm down."

"Calm down? How can you ask me to calm down? He's gone Connor, you hear me? Gone!"

"No," he said slowly, "He's actually right through there."

I stared at him in disbelief. "What?"

Connor took me by the hand and led me into the adjoining room. As I rounded the corner I saw Angel sitting on a sofa looking as if he was completely relaxed. A book lay open on his lap, his head rested in one hand, while his feet were propped up against the table.

All this time I had been worrying my self sick about him. Thinking that he was dead or in some sort of trouble, when in actuality he had been here living it up.

"You bastard." I said through gritted teeth.

His eyes snapped upwards widening for a brief moment before he looked back down to his book. "Nice to see you too." He commented wryly.

I reached over to the bookshelf by me, grabbing the heaviest volume I could get a hold of and threw it at his head. Thanks to his vampire reflexes, he was able to duck at the last minute. "All this time I've been out on the streets looking for you and you've just been right here!"

"You were out on the streets?" Connor's voice came from behind me.

"I thought he was in trouble!" I yelled, turning on him.

"Buffy that doesn't matter. You can't be out there..."

"Shut up! I don't really care about why I can't be out there. All that mattered at the moment was the man that I love was possibly in danger." He went silent after that. Turning to Angel I stalked over to him, my finger pointed out accusingly. "And you! You couldn't' come home after your little tryst with that two bit whore? Is that so much to ask?"

He slammed his book shut. "Don't talk about things you know nothing about."

"I know that your god damn soul is in danger every time you go out and fuck her! Is it worth it? Do you enjoy the fact that every time you sleep with her you might possibly unleash Angelus?"

He laughed. "Somehow I highly doubt that'll happen."

"And why the hell not?"

"Sex was never the issue. And if you were Buffy, you'd know that."

"Here we go again! Suddenly I'm not Buffy. What do I have to do to make you believe I'm her? You said my name back at the apartment, somewhere deep down you must know it's me!" People had started to file in from others rooms as they heard my voice carry throughout the house.

Getting up he grabbed his jacket off of a nearby chair. 'Thanks for letting me stay here Connor, but I think I better start heading home."

"Oh no you don't." I tugged on his arm. "You don't get to walk away from things this time."

Whirling around, he full out glared at me. "Fine! What do you want to know?"

His eyes had darkened to the point of where they were almost black. I was always able to tell when he was ready to snap, the way his eyes changed so quickly this time around almost scared me. I took a deep breath anyways and asked the question that no one could seem to answer. "Why don't you believe who I am?"

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. He was looking at me strangely. Almost as if he didn't expect me to ask that of all questions.

"Come on Angel, you said you'd tell me! Why don't you believe I'm me?"

He licked his lips. "Because..." His fists were clenching at his side. "Because..."

"Because why!"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAD!" The moment the words left his mouth he closed his eyes. "You've been gone for over three hundred years."

Everything stopped.. The surrounding light seemed to dim as the world around me spun in circles. Dead. That's all that kept repeating in my mind. How could I be dead? I would remember something like that wouldn't I? Everything seemed to be pressing in on me at once causing my intake of breaths to increase ten fold.

"What?" I whispered "No." I shook my head slowly, not taking my eyes off of Angel. "You must be mistaken. I can't be... be dead."

"Your are." He said bitterly.

Red clouded my vision as the room spun even faster. "I-I need to sit down." I practically fell onto the sofa that Angel had previously vacated. Why couldn't I remember this? Death is pretty much a defining moment in your life. Why couldn't I remember what happened to me? I pressed my hands to my face as I tried to think of the fateful moment in time that had brought me here. But nothing would come. Everyone I ever knew and loved died a long time ago, and knowing my life style, probably with me. Was it an apocalypse that took my life? Was my sister with me? Flashes of tears and Dawn filled my vision but they wouldn't make any sense to me. Trying desperately not to cry I got up and stormed out of the room into the pouring rain.

The tears from the sky plastered my hair to my cheeks as I ran. I'm not sure where I was going, I just had to get away. Maybe if I ran long enough I'd wake up to find that this was all a dream. That I was still back home in my nice warm bed with my sister not even ten feet away from me. But I knew this wasn't going to happen. Deep down somewhere I knew this whole time that I had been dead. It was really the only logical explanation for things. How else could I have missed three hundred years? But why me? Why did my life always have to suck like this? I didn't get it. Since I was fifteen years old I have been saving the world, out in a graveyard every damn night fighting back the forces of evil. I have thwarted apocalypse after apocalypse, so what did I do to deserve waking up in this hell hole?

Screams echoed down an alley. Stopping, I turned and slowly approached the please for help. A young girl sat on the cold alley floor trying to protect herself from the attacker above. In his vamped out face he slammed fist after fist filled with rings into her tiny body. The way her hair flowed down to her waist reminded me of Dawn. So the moment the girl uttered yet another scream I ran forward.

With all my might I was able to pull the unsuspecting vamp off of her, giving her a look. Taking my cue, she ran as fast as she could from the alley. The vamp growled at me as he saw his meal flee.

Before he could say anything though I hit him. Before I knew it my fists were nothing more then a motion of blinding fury. Blood sprayed the walls as my knuckles, and his face, cracked open from the force of the punch. Nothing mattered at the moment. Nothing. This vile thing was going to kill some innocent for a midnight snack. Some innocent that looked like my little sister. Dawnie.

I felt like my whole being was clouded in some sort of smoke as I pummeled the monster over and over again. The real me was in there somewhere, but right now the slayer in me had come out to play, and she was pissed.

I deserved some semblance of peace didn't I? I mean, you would think that the powers would make sure of that when I died. Make sure that their warrior of light was happy. But no. Instead they decided to wait a good three hundred years and then smack me into a world that I know absolutely nothing about and where the only person left that I can even remember hates me. That to me just doesn't seem to fair.

Finally deciding to end the pain of the thing beneath me, I grabbed a piece of wood from a nearby broken crater and slammed it into the vampire's heart. I watched as the dust settled on the ground, mixing in with the overhead rain. Maybe I did deserve this. After all, I myself have caused so much death and destruction, maybe in some screwed up sense, this was my payment. Yes, they were vampires that I had killed, but what about the people I couldn't save? All of the victims that lay broken on the ground when I was a fraction of a second late to their saving, was my fault. My mom, Ms. Calendar, Xander's best friend Jessie, all of them. They were dead because of me.

Leaning back against the wall I cried. Great heaving sobs came through me, grieving for all the people that I couldn't save. For all the people I wasn't there for. My friends, my family, they had all died because I wasn't alive to save them. After mom's death I was pretty much a shell of a person, not caring if the grapple in the graveyard would be my last. So it came to me. When I died, did I want that death? Did I crave it? Crave the peace that is supposed to come with the stopping heart?

I pressed my hands to my ears trying to stop the noisy questions from filling my head. I couldn't understand any of this, as hard as I tried, I just couldn't.

I don't know how long it was that I sat like that in the alley, rocking back and fourth. But soon two strong arms came around me, lifting me into their lap.

"Leave me alone Connor." I sobbed into his shirt.

"I'm not Connor."

I froze. Not daring to believe it until I knew for certain, I let my eyes wander upwards. Deep brown eyes met my wet green ones. "Angel?"

"Shh..." he said gently, pushing a lock of my blonde hair away from my eyes.

I flung my arms around him and buried myself as deep as I could into him. I had been waiting so long to be in his arms again, everything felt right here. But I never imagined getting here would be so painful.

"Come on." He whispered into my ear. "We got to get you home. You'll catch a cold." He started to maneuver me out of his arms, causing me to cry out and cling to him tighter in total desperation. "Hey, it's okay. I'm right here." He soothed, rubbing the small of my back in slow circles.

"Don't let go." I begged through the everlasting sobs.

A moment of silence passed, then I felt myself being lifted. "Never again." He breathed, as he carried me back home.


	13. Chapter Twelve The World As We Know It

Authors Note: Well, you guys are lucky. I'll probably be updating alot because I'll be home for the next couple of days. I have an ear infection in both ears and bronchitis. So I'll probably have another chapter out for you all by tomorrow afternoon. There's not much else to do while I'm confinded to the sofa. LOL. Oh, and special thanks to emerald sorceress and dreamsof4ever for the get well wishes. Enjoy!

_**Chapter Twelve**_

_**The World as We Know It**_

He carried me all the way home and didn't put me down until we reached the bathroom of the apartment. When he set me on the countertop I felt as if I was being left alone. Even though I could see him, I felt as if I was stranded on some strange island.

After turning on the hot steamy water he turned to me. Placing his large hands on my knees he made me look him in the eye. "I want you to take a shower."

"But..."

"No buts. You're freezing. After you take a shower and get warmed up, we'll talk okay?" He said. I could only nod my head. Kissing me gently on the forehead he left me in the now steamy room.

Slowly I stripped off my soaked clothes, feeling the goose bumps rise all over my arms and legs as the cold air hit my even colder skin. I was numb. My mind couldn't quite wrap around the fact that I had been dead yet.

Stepping into the shower I hissed as the water hit me. It burned, but I didn't turn the temperature down. Right now I just needed to feel something, no matter if it was pain or not. Anything was better then what I was feeling now.

After washing every inch of my body I stepped out and wrapped myself in a huge fluffy towel. Looking down at my rain sodden clothes, I had no other choice then to walk out there with nothing but the fluffy material to hide my body.

He was sitting on the sofa in a fresh pair of dry clothing waiting for me as I entered the room. His hands were crossed loosely in his lap as he stared off into the now blazing fire. He was obviously brooding. The way is brow scrunched up and how he didn't even blink was a sure give away to that fact.

Clearing my throat I got him to look at me, with a little shock I might add, with my near naked appearance. "I umm... I don't really have any clothes."

"Oh." He said quickly, bolting up from his position on the couch. Going over to his closet he pulled me out a button down shirt and a pair of sweat pants. "Here," he offered them to me. "I know they're a little big..."

"They're fine." I took the clothes from him raising an eyebrow when he didn't turn around.

"Sorry," he amended immediately at my look, turning his back to me. The situation was all too familiar.

I quickly dressed, giving my mind something to do. "Okay... I'm uh- done."

He turned around, giving me a sad look. For the past couple weeks all I had wanted him to do was recognize the fact that I'm me. But now that he had... in the past hour my life had gotten more confusing then I ever think it will be.

"Are you hungry?" He asked fidgeting with his hands. It almost brought a smile to my lips. Almost.

"I'm fine."

"Did you want to go to sleep or..." We both knew what the 'or' meant. It was something that I needed to hear I knew, but it still didn't make it any easier.

"Do you know how I died?" Was that my voice? It sounded so dead of any type of emotion.

"Yes." I could barley hear him.

"Were you there when it happened?"

He shook his head slowly. "I was in another dimension. I didn't find out about it until I got back. Willow was waiting..." he swallowed once. To say I died was something that was obviously hard for him. "She told me."

"Did... did anyone else die then?"

"No, only you."

The numbness in my body lightened a little as I heard that. "Good."

"Buffy, you've had a long day. Maybe you should get some sleep."

I shook my head. "I'm not tired."

"Buffy..." he sighed

"Why can't I be out on the street?" I snapped my head up, interrupting him.

"What?"

"The street. Why are you and Connor so worried about me being out there?"

"It's not safe."

"I'm a slayer."

"Even more reason why you should be inside."

"Angel, make this easier on the two of us and just tell me what's going on."

He got up, placing himself as far away from me as possible, making sure not to look at me. "Slayers are dangerous here. Their power is used to run this city."

"Power? Like my strength?"

"Every Slayer has an infinite amount of power in them. If harvested, you would be able to obtain that power and use it for yourself. So you add it to somebody who already has super strength and you get..."

"Something that's impossible to kill." I starred at him blankly. He refused to meet my eyes.

"Exactly. Leon's been capturing the slayer for years now. It wasn't until a little over two hundred years ago that he was able to harvest ones power."

"But the girl, the slayer that he used, she's got to be dead by now. He should be out of power"

"Even if she was Buffy, one slayer dies, another one is called. You know the drill."

The numbness inside of me turned off in an instant. "What do you mean even if?" He got up off the chair on the other side of the room and started pacing, his hands folded behind his back. "Angel, please tell me that they didn't find a way to keep them alive." His pacing became frantic. "Oh god. You're telling me that some poor girl is somewhere out there being drained of everything she has?"

"This is why I didn't tell you. I knew you'd just be upset."

"Angel, tell me what the hell is going on!" I jumped up anxious to stop his pacing.

Even though he didn't, he still continued with the story. "In 2076 a new Slayer was called. She wasn't the brightest girl in the world; she probably would only have lasted a couple months at tops." He said almost offhandedly. "Thus making her an easy target for Leon's lackeys to find and capture her. They took her to The Orders headquarters where they proceeded to drain her powers straight into Leon. Therefore making him the strongest thing to ever grace this earth. He was unstoppable after that. No one could touch him. An ancient coven of witches tried to go after him... they didn't even last an hour." Something flickered in his eyes as he said that, but I dismissed it when he started talking again.

"He's impossible to kill. So for the past couple of hundred years, that slayer has been sitting up there in Leon's little tower being drained of everything she has. Every week he goes to her, performs the same spell to withdraw the powers from her into him. His will is the only that even keeps her alive."

I starred at him dumbfounded. "No, I don't accept that. There has to be some way to kill him."

"People have tried Buffy. I've tried! You can't kill him; he has the strength of an ancient vampire and a slayer in him. There is nothing we can do. The only way to stop him is to kill the girls!" He threw his hands up in the air.

Thoughts raced through my head. "Girls?" He closed his eyes and slumped down into the previously vacated chair. For the first time since I've been back, I noticed how tired he looked. "There's more then one of them, isn't there?"

He nodded slowly. "When Leon started becoming a threat to more people then just the ones in Los Angelus, the council stepped in. They summoned the powers of old, creating a new slayer. The day she was summoned, she got sent head on into battle with Leon. She lasted about a week before he was able to catch her. She's now up in that tower too."

"So if Leon hears that I'm a slayer also, he'll come after me."

"Making him more powerful then you can even imagine." Angel looked up into my eyes for the first time. "Buffy please, don't go out on that street. Connor was foolish enough to take you patrolling."

"Hey, don't worry about it. This Leon guy finds out who I am, I'll run screaming 'till I form a plan." I joked, trying to make light of the situation.

"Don't... Buffy I... I can't lose you again." At that moment all the anguish he had been feeling over me spilled out in his voice.

I looked at him sadly before moving over to his side. Pushing him back into the chair I straddled his legs and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm not going anywhere." I said pushing my forehead to his. "Trust me. I've died once... okay twice, I don't plan to do it again any time soon."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and closed his eyes. "Good, because I'm never letting you go."

"Promise." I whispered. It was selfish to ask yes. But I had to hear him say it. This world was so much different from what I was used to, I had to have something to hold onto, even if it was a lie.

"Promise."

Kissing his forehead I leaned into him and closed my eyes. Tucking my head into the crook of his neck I fell asleep for what seemed like the first time in months.


	14. Chapter Thirteen Losing What We Want

Authors Note: Thanks to emerald sorceress, elvira1, scruffybunny (love your screan name by the way LOL), dreamsof4ever for the reviews on the last chapter. They really mean alot. And all the other people who've reviewed before thanks to you guys too.

_**Chapter Thirteen**_

_**Losing What We Want**_

I've been living with Angel for a week now and we have yet to even mention the subject of my death. Neither of us want to bring it up. So we dance around it like it's not even a blip on our radar screen. Instead we stay to safe topics like books and why he doesn't have a TV.

When I found out that Leon outlawed the use of television for us "lower beings" I think I hated him even more. Angel just kind of starred at me puzzled like when I got all upset that I couldn't watch ER anymore, but then I shrugged it off when I remembered that the actors were all probably dead anyways. Still, it's the principal of the matter that counts.

As you might notice, I'm getting back to my old self again. This last week with Angel has been like heaven. Just lying around listening to the rain outside, talking about absolutely nothing... it was perfect. I wish this could all last. But I know sooner or later tragedy will strike us pulling us out of our happy little cocoon. It always did.

"Angel?" I asked as I was lying in his arms one Sunday morning. He had just gotten back from a long night of patrol and was exhausted. I had tried to get him to let me go with him but he just gave me that stern look that Giles' used to give. I decided that maybe I should wait to breach that subject in a couple weeks. "Are you awake?"

He moaned softly and wrapped his arms around me just a little bit tighter. "Angel." I laughed.

"I'm up." He groaned.

"Good." I flipped around so I was laying on him on my stomach. "What do you thinks going to happen?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, his eyes still closed.

"With us. What do you think is going to happen?"

"Buffy, I barley ever get what your saying when I'm awake. What makes you think that I'm going to understand you now in my half asleep state?"

I hit him on the arm. "Come on, humor me here."

"Can't we talk about this tomorrow?" He tried to bury himself deeper into the sofa we were laying on.

"Technically it is tomorrow." I starred at him. He still had deep circles under his eyes from the countless hours of fighting that he did every day. Sometime he would be gone for almost a full twenty four hours. It took all the strength I had in me not to pummel Connor, who was dubbed my babysitter, and rush out the door to find him. He'd always come home beaten and weary, but no matter what, he made sure to kiss me on the cheek the moment he got home, letting me know he was alright. "Do you think that us being happy is a bad sign?"

He scrunched his brow in confusion. Opening his eyes he starred at me skeptically. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, it's just that lately we've been happy and... well for some reason this world doesn't tend to like it when we're happy so they throw something at us to make us unhappy and then we end up yelling at each other and getting upset and saying things that we don't mean to say and...."

He put a finger to my lips to stop my rambling. "What's gotten you so upset all the sudden?"

I shrugged. "Just a feeling I guess."

Wiping a stray strand of hair out of my face he looked at me. It was as if he was trying to memorize every single feature about me, filing it away in his memory. "I know what you mean."

"You feel it to huh?"

He nodded. Sighing in disappointment I laid my head down on his shoulder, idly playing with the buttons on his shirt. "Do you think if we told it to go away it would?" I asked him hopefully.

"I wish."

We laid silent, breathing each other in. No matter how happy we were there was always some dark cloud looming in the background waiting to strike. Why couldn't they ever just let us be? After all these years of fighting and struggling to hold on we should just be able to go off in some little corner somewhere and live our lives the way we want. But that would never happen. Not as long as Leon ran this earth.

"Am I interrupting something?" Connor asked from the now open door.

Angel just looked at him sadly. "No. Come in." He sat up a little, but didn't relinquish his hold on me. "What's up?"

"Mark didn't check in last night." Connor sat down on the chair across from us.

"Damn it." I looked at Angel curiously. "Do you know if he was caught?"

"No. No ones heard anything on him."

"Who's Mark?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

"He's one of our inside men. He works inside Leon's castle. Once a month he comes to one of the safe houses and tells us anything that he's overheard. He was due back last night."

"What happens to him if Leon did catch him?"

Connor and Angel traded looks. "He'll be stoned to death at the next public execution." Connor fiddled with his hands. God he was so much like his father.

"Couldn't we rescue him?"

"Yeah, and maybe we could all go to McDonalds afterwards." Connor said sarcastically.

"I'm serious." I sat up and scooted off Angels lap. "Why couldn't we try and save him?"

"Because it would be suicide." Angel said from beside me.

"So you're just going to let him die?"

"Buffy we don't even know if he was caught."

"And if he was? He's been your inside man for how long now?"

"Five years." Connor said

"Five years of service and your just going to let him be murdered in town square. I thought we were the good guys."

"Buffy it's not that simple." Angel said gently.

"Angel we used to do this all the time. Remember? We saved Willow from the Mayor and Faith..."

"This is a little different then Sunnydale Buffy."

"No it's not!" I got up and glared at the two of them. "Someone's in trouble. We save them. It's really not that hard."

Connor looked up at me not looking the least bit threatened. "We've tried to do something like that before Buffy, it doesn't work. You've been there. Guards are everywhere. We make one wrong move and they won't even hesitate to kill us."

"I can't believe you two! There was a time that you would go out and do anything if it meant saving an innocent Angel." I looked at him. "What happened to the man I knew?" He fiddled with his hands tossing my words back and fourth in his head.

Looking up at me finally he spoke. "He died."

I laughed bitterly. "Obviously." Walking into the bathroom I slammed the door as hard as I could, trying to take out my rage in the piece of wood. I hated this, sitting here not being able to do a damn thing was torture. It was hard enough to sit around in this house while Angel was out doing my job, but now? Now I felt useless.

I'm a vampire slayer for crying out loud. I'm supposed to kill things and make rescue plans for a living. This was insane! People needed to stop treating me like some little girl and start treating me like the person I truly am. You would think that I was some kid the way they looked out for me.

Well not anymore. From now on, I don't care what they say. I'll go out and slay if I want to and I'll go rescue that damn kid. It's my job after all. Angel or Connor try to get in the way, I'll deal with them. But no way in hell am I going to sit here and let someone die when all he was trying to do is help this world.

Getting up I threw my hair into a sloppy bun and stormed out of the bathroom. Not even looking at Connor or Angel, I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Angel pulled me away from the exit with sharp force.

"Out."

"Buffy."

"No, don't you dare Buffy me. If you're not going to help this Mark guy then I will."

"No you won't."

"Somebody has too. And since it's not going to be you..."

"Buffy you can't go out there." He dragged me back to the couch by the arm. "It's not safe and you know that. You could screw up everything we've worked for in the past hundreds of years."

"Everything you've worked for?" I yelled incredulously. "What have you done Angel because as far as I'm concerned you and everybody else in the fucking town are just sitting on their asses!"

Pushing me to the couch he loomed over me. "How the hell can you say that? Every damn day I'm out there saving the idiots who are walking the streets. God Buffy! I've barley even slept in the past three hundred years because of all the damn work I'm doing to try and prevent more death!"

"Then why haven't you taken down Leon yet. With all this work that you claim you do, how come Leon isn't dead?" I pushed past him needing to get some air.

"I told you, he's more powerful..."

"Then anything that has ever graced this earth. Yeah, I know the drill Angel. But you and I have faced shit like that countless times and somehow we're still standing."

"I'm not going to risk everything just so I can save one guy. He knew the risks getting into this."

My mouth hung open at his heartlessness. "And if it was me? If I was the person who was going to die, would you save me or let me be stoned to death too?"

Running his hands through his hair he growled dangerously at me. "That's different and you know."

"No Angel! It's not different! I'm just another person like everyone else in this world. You just don't have a relationship with this guy. If he dies, it's of no personal loss to you!" I took a deep breath trying to calm the shakiness running through my voice. "You're right, let him die. But don't expect me to sit back and watch." I looked at him for a beat before walking back into the bathroom and slamming the door.

My blood boiled at the thought of what was going to happen to that poor kid. It wouldn't just be a stoning. Oh no, knowing Leon, he'd have to make a prime example of a double agent. A stoning would be getting off too easy.

Muffled voices sounded from the other room for the next hour. I heard Connor shout things like "Are you insane!" and "She'll be fine". I didn't care though.

At one point in time Angel would have done absolutely anything to save this kid. He would have gone to hell and back if it meant that he would get to live for just a few more minutes. But now he didn't care. He was so detached from this world; the passion that once filled his eyes seemed to have burned out long ago. Now he just fought because he had to. Not because he wanted to, or because it was the right thing to do, he had to do it to survive in this hell. If it were up to him, he would probably hole himself up in this apartment waiting for someone to come and kill him.

When did he get this way. Was it before I died or after? The last two years of my life I didn't see him much. It was only the occasional hello. Even then it wasn't really even a hello. Our meetings always consisted of yelling and arguing, trying to control the urge to just rush into the others arms and ask for forever. Things had never been the same since my seventeenth birthday. All the simplicity of life went out the window that one fateful night.

It changed our lives forever. After that one peaceful moment our lives became hell and it never turned back. Angelus stalked the town for months, tormenting everything I ever loved, taunting me with his words. But I still loved him. Somewhere inside of that monster my Angel still existed and I knew if I could only get to him, then it would be okay.

Boy was I wrong. When I finally did get to him, hell, and death, and pain came right along with him. And no matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn't go away. Him leaving was probably the best and worst thing for us. It was right to separate, we were only a danger to ourselves and others. But we needed the time apart. He needed time to find his purpose in life, and I needed time just to sort through my teenage years.

But still, I can't help but think what if we never broke up? Would the world be a better place? Would I have died that night? Maybe if by some miraculous chance I had stayed alive and Angel was with me, maybe, just maybe we could have stopped this whole thing with Leon before it started. Maybe instead of me waking up three hundred years in the future I would instead be looking down on my great great great grandchildren, with Angel by my side. But maybes were invented for a reason. They were invented so people like me could torture themselves about their past even though they know deep down in their heart there is nothing they could ever do to change it.

Curling myself up in a ball I laid in the porcelain white tub trying to calm the rage that had taken over my system. I knew I shouldn't have said some of those things to Angel. He was fighting, but he wasn't fighting with the same force as he used to.

_"Strong is fighting! It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. It's what we have to do. And we can do it together."_

Those words spoken so long ago seemed false. I had once told him that, once promised him to help him through everything. To never leave him. Not even three months later did that dream shatter into pieces and blow off into the wind as he left for LA. I was so innocent then, to think that those words would make a difference. He would have still stayed up on the hill top after my little speech, despite my tears and please, he would have died that night without the snow. From that moment on he started to change. To not care. He knew then that sooner of later he would have to leave me. It was only a matter of time before our worlds shattered.

"I'm sorry." I looked up to see him standing in the doorway. "Looks like they pulled it away from us sooner then we thought."

"What are you talking about?" I sighed wearily. I was in no mood for cryptic riddles.

"Our happiness. It's amazing how it just flees out the window at the first sign of trouble."

"You don't have any windows in your apartment." I stated.

"Okay then, it's floating about in the room out there waiting for us to stop fighting and come and find it."

I looked up at him. "I don't think we can."

"Couldn't we at least try?" He asked desperately.

"Do we even deserve happiness?"

Angel looked across the room trying to think of the right answer to say. But nothing came to him. "I don't know." He whispered dejectedly. "We're going to try and rescue Mark."

My head snapped up and looked at him in total disbelief. Doubt was written all over his face. "You're serious."

"You're right. He gave us five years of his life, risking everything, his family, his friends. The least we can do is to try and give a little bit back to him."

I couldn't believe it. Connor and him were actually sitting out there fighting on this whole subject and Angel had sided with me. Maybe I was brought back for a reason. To help Angel find himself again.'

Sitting up I flung my arms around his neck. "Thank you." I whispered in his ear.


	15. Chapter Fourteen The Gift

Authors Note: The things in italics are memories. Oh, and tell me what you think of the dream sequence in the beginning. I'm not sure if it's any good or not.

_**Chapter Fourteen**_

_**The Gift**_

"_Death is your gift" the first slayer said over and over_

"_Death..."_

"..._is your gift."_

_The platform extended into the air. In the distance holes seemed to be opening up in the night sky, casting its surrounding's with and unearthly glow of purple light. But as the sky grew lighter by the rising sun the girl on the platform smiled, looking peaceful for the first time in ages. Turning around she faced her sister who stared back at her with wide knowing eyes._

"_Buffy... no!" The dark haired girl begged._

"_Dawnie, I have to."_

"_No!"_

"_Listen to me. Please, there's not a lot of time, listen."_

_The girl held the younger sibling by her upper arms not wanting to let go, trying to hold back the tears of sadness she felt for the little girl. She continues talking to her, although for some reason the sound doesn't reach my ears. The little girl begins to cry as lightning continues to crackle behind them, desperately pleading with her eyes for her sister not to do this._

_How was she supposed to live without her?_

_Stroking her sister's face, giving her one last kiss on the cheek as she continues to cry, the blonde turns. Almost as if in slow motion she runs down the platform away from the sobbing form of her baby sister. Her life. To her destiny._

_Her gift._

_Gaining speed she swan dives off the end of the platform and into the bright crackling light of the portal below. Feeling the weightlessness around her as she falls, she thinks of everyone she's ever loved and cared for as she hangs there. Motionless. Pain shooting from within, splitting her apart. _

_Agony._

_Light._

_Muscles contracting,_

_Bursting._

_Then the voice comes back._

"_Dawn, listen to me. Listen. I love you. I will always love you."_

_Bright lights swirl around as silent screams pierce the air._

"_But this is the work that I have to do."_

_The portal slowly begins to fade, shrinking into nothingness._

_Disappearing._

_A group of people are gathered on the ground below, holding each other up, looking at something they don't want to believe just yet as the golden orb of the sun rises above them._

"_Tell Giles... tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay."_

_The body of the fallen warrior lies on the ground. Lifeless amid the debris. A man falls to the ground as the sunlight hits the body, shaking in grief. Girls begin to cry the salty tears that come with the loss of a soul._

"_And give my love to my friends."_

_Two lovers hold each other, the girl lowering her head to the mans shoulder in remorse._

"_You have to take care of them now."_

_Hands over the face, sobbing, tears of mirth chasing each other down smooth cool cheeks._

"_You have to be strong"_

_Walking slowly down the stairs of the tower, holding her sides, spotting the others as a type of chill takes over her world when she see's the body of a sister lying on the ground. Dead._

"_Dawn, the hardest thing in this world... is to live in it."_

_Crying takes over the young form. Bursting sobs begging for air. For justice. For life._

"_Be brave. Live."_

_Words swirling in the air, coating the ground with barren ash._

"_For me."_

_A plea, a request a cry._

_The sunny day sings as the tree's and the grass grow in the patches of the beautiful light. The light she'll no longer see. Headstone after headstone. A lone one sits under a tree adorned with flowers lying on the grass in front of it, watered by the tears of the loved ones. By their grief._

_Buffy Ann Summers_

_1981-2001_

_Beloved Sister_

_Devoted Friend_

_She Saved the World_

_A lot_

"NO!"

I shot up out of bed covered in a cool sheen of sweat. My body was shaking with the memories of past. All that pain.

"Oh god." I whispered, placing my head in my damp hands.

"Buffy." Strong arms wrapped around me, taking me in to the place I so needed to be right now. "What's wrong?"

I buried myself into his embrace. The light, the pain, everything inside me seemed to hurt at that moment in time, and it all came back to me during the dream. All the tears. Why did there always have to be so many tears at the sight of death?

"I saw it. I saw everything."

"What are you talking about baby?" He asked rocking me back and fourth.

"Glory, the lightning, my sister. God, why did I have to go like that?" I sounded pitiful to even my own ears.

Realization dawned on Angel. "I don't know."

Everything that I had was cried out in his arms and he didn't question me once. He just held me, soothing me with words of love, and at that moment I felt right.

"Angel," I sniffed. "Dawn, did she... she lived right?"

He looked at me confused. "You saved her Buffy."

"No, I know that. But did she live, afterwards when everything was said and done, she..." I didn't know how to explain to him what I was trying to say.

Somehow he got it though. "She lived. After she finished up high school she went to Rome. She became a writer for the main newspaper over there. You would have been so proud of her."

I smiled. "Did she ever get married?"

"Yeah, to a guy named Jason. He was really nice. They stayed together 'till the end. They even ended up having a little girl. They named her after you and your mom."

I leaned into him. "Was she alive when this whole thing with Leon started?'

He was silent. I could tell he was debating weather or not to tell me that. "She was. She died though before it got really bad. Europe wasn't affected all that much until about two hundred years ago."

There was something more he wasn't telling me. I could feel it in the way he held me, his arms muscles tense with something unknown. But I didn't want to know the answer. Not yet at least. Maybe some day in the future I'd ask how all my friends died. Ask him to tell me about there lives. But not tonight.

"What time is it?"

"Almost five."

"We should be going." Tonight was the night that we would attempt our rescue on Mark.

"Buffy, maybe you shouldn't go tonight."

"I'm going." I said, getting up from the bed, combing my hair. Doing anything just to get away from that awful dream. From reality.

"You sure you're up to it? I mean you just had...."

"I'm going." I said sternly. "I need to kill something right about now.

Biting his lip to keep from saying anything else he started sharpening the weapons. It took me two days to convince him to let me come. It was my idea in the first place and I wasn't about to sit back at home while they all went out and did the hero thing. Angel hated this beyond belief, but they needed the help. And what better help to get then a three hundred year old slayer?

The execution was at seven. Eight of us were going in on this mission and only a few of us were expected to come back. Butterflies controlled my stomach like they always did before a battle. It's amazing that no matter how many times I do this, I'm still nervous each and every time.

Dressed all in black I fastened two daggers to the inside of my boot and slide my stakes up my sleeve. Everyone else was caring battle axes and swords, but not me. Those things never really gave me comfort. Give me just a plane old stake any day and I'll be fine.

"You ready?" He asked from behind me. We were all meeting at the rations area before hand to settle out last minute plans, and hopefully to save whoever we could from getting caught.

"As I'll ever be." I said turning to him. Without another word we walked out the door into the forever darkness that now controlled our world.

Connor and the other men were already there by the time Angel and I arrived. They were all leaning causally against a wall, trying to look inconspicuous. It really wasn't working. Every single one of them was tense with the nerves of the upcoming battle. Except Connor. He just sat on the ground watching with ease as the crowd gathered to try and get their monthly supply of food.

"Any sign of Mark yet?" Angel asked his son.

"No. I don't really expect to see him though until the execution. If we do see him, then I'll be worried."

"Why?" A man from the right asked. He looked about the same age as Connor, but I could tell by the way he presented himself he was human.

"Because if we see him, then they know we're coming. It would all just be a trap trying to lure us into taking the bait before Leon even sets foot outside." Not once did Connor take his eyes off the crowd.

"Has anybody been taken yet?" I'm not sure why I asked, the answer would only be filled with sadness.

"A little girl about six, she ran into the crowd, not knowing it was wrong... they took her. Then another guy, he looked around his thirties, they took him a couple minutes ago. Most people have been getting through and out pretty easy today though."

"Good." I said with detachment. I didn't want to think about the two that had been caught already or what they might be going through right now.

As the hour went by fewer and fewer people were getting caught though. It was almost as if the vampires weren't even paying attention today. "Okay, not that I'm complaining or anything but, doesn't this seem a little suspicious to you guys?"

The others nodded there head in agreement. But Connor just stood up wiping the dirt off of his pants. "Not really. It's just one of those months. It happens every once in a while."

I turned to Angel to confirm this. He nodded his head in reassurance, but something was lurking behind his eyes. "We better head over to the execution."

At that everyone stood up and slowly trudged to what might be their death. I hated the fact that I had to bring other people into this. Most of them probably had a family of some sorts waiting for them. What would they think if one of them didn't come home tonight?

Shaking my head I focused on the task ahead. My job was to free Mark from whatever was keeping him there, and then pass him off to the others while all the while Angel caused the distraction.

That's what worried me. At first I thought of it as nothing, but remembering the conversation we had about it didn't exactly give me warm and fluffy feelings.

"_So who's going to be the guy to distract Leon during all of this?" Connor was saying. We were all gathered around in Angel's apartment, the fire crackling in the hearth. The next day would be the day of the execution, and our planning so far hadn't been to sufficient. No one really seemed all that enthusiastic about this idea. And why would they? They were putting there life on the lines for this._

"_I'll do it." I spoke up._

"_No you won't." There he went again, being all protective and stuff._

"_And why not?"_

"_Because I'm going to." Angel said matter of factly._

_Everyone was silent. They were giving each other anxious looks out of the corner of their eyes. _

"_Do you really think that's a smart idea?" Connor asked finally._

"_Think about it, what do you think he's going to be more distracted by, Buffy or me?"_

_They all nodded there head in reluctant agreement. And then that was the end of the conversation. No one argued or spoke of it again. It was done with and that was just the way it was going to be._

We arrived at the execution area in record time. "Alright, everybody knows their jobs, split up. We'll see you all at the safe house later tonight." Angel said. Everyone looked at each other for one last time and went their different ways leaving just Angel, Connor and I standing there at the front entrance gates.

A guard in the corner of the gate starred at Angel suspiciously as we approached. Leaning over he whispered something in his companion's ear. After a brief look at us the guy ran off into the direction of the castle.

"Good, they know I'm here." Angel stated. I don't know why he was so happy about this one, but I had to trust him. Otherwise this wouldn't work.

Once inside the gates we worked our way through to the middle of the crowd. Like before, throngs of people stood, some waiting to see the ones they loved for the very last time, others being her on protest.

"Alright then, I'll see you two in a couple hours." Connor said.

"Connor." He turned back when Angel's voice carried out to him. "Don't do anything stupid."

With that trademark smirk Connor walked off, disappearing into the crowd of people, waiting for the right moment to strike. Angel watch him go, not turning to me until he was out of sight.

"He'll be okay." I tried to comfort him. I really didn't know what was going to happen, but Angel needed to hear it right now. It was absolutely amazing to me how Angel could have a son. The one thing in his life that meant redemption in his eyes, and he finally had it. But their relationship was strained for some reason. Reason's that the skank who he was sleeping with hinted towards the other night. I was not looking forward to the day that Angel decided to tell me about his past. Already I could tell it would be filled with angst and tears, something that I seemed to see a lot of lately.

This rescue mission was almost a good thing. I was almost thankful for it. If I had nothing to distract me I don't know what I would do. It's not everyday you find out how you die. If it was my choice, I'd curl up into a ball right here and cry for the rest of my life. But I had to push all that away and become the slayer once again so I could help humanity. And I don't think I've ever been more grateful for it.

Turning to me Angel took my hand in his. "This is it."

"Yup. This is it." I smiled and squeezed his hand softly, trying to tell him that everything would be okay. That we'd all be okay. But all I could think about was how this might be the last time I would ever get to see him. I just got him back and now, now I could lose him all over again.

"Be careful okay?" He told be.

"Hey, you know me."

"I mean it Buffy. This isn't Sunnydale anymore, the monsters here are worse."

"Angel, I grew up on a hell mouth, I can handle it. Remember, your talking to the girl who faced a god."

"Yeah, and you died in the process." He said harshly.

"Not by her hands though." I reminded him. He just gave me that look, his eyes filling with sadness. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I can't help it."

"Try to." I gave him a wry grin that he couldn't help but smile back at.

Leaning down he hugged me. "I love you."

My heart stopped. I never thought I would want to hear those words more then I did at this moment. "I love you too."

Backing away from me with fear in his eyes, I kept contact with his hand until it was no longer possible. Soon his cool comfort left me, disappearing into the crowd, taking with him my heart.

With a deep intake of breath I closed me eyes, centering myself. "Time to get to work."


	16. Chapter Fifteen Torn

_**Authors Note: Okay, I know there is alot of you out there who want fluff, but it's not happening yet. I do promise you though that I will give you some fluff before this story ends because I want to see it too. Also, dreamsof4ever: I know you're upset about the way Buffy is acting, and believe me, I'm not happy with myself for turning her into a bitch right about now. But, on the show, she does tend to jump to conclusions and be very dramatic about things, so I had to do this. She's is wrong though, you're right, she has no idea what's been going on in Angel's life and she does need to back off and say sorry to him.... which she will sooner or later, but not right now. Hang on just a little bit longer. She'll soon realize what a bitch she's being. LOL I'm glad I've got you so riled up though. I must be doing something right as a writer. :)**_

_**Chapter Fifteen**_

_**Torn**_

I headed over to Leon's so called stage, which was the position I needed to be in. It was the same as before; bloodied chains and torture tools scattered the wooden platform, there was only one difference. The cage that held the people... it was empty. Dread filled me as the butterflies in my stomach suddenly became something bigger.

This made no sense. I was there, I had seen the people being dragged off, so where were they. I looked around trying to catch one of my team members eye, but I couldn't even see any of them. We were meant to blend in with the crowd and we seemed to be doing a damn fine job of that.

The crowd itself was aloft with urgent whispers as they too saw the empty cage. Whatever this meant, I knew it wasn't good.

Taking a deep calming breath I tried to shoo away my fears. It had to be just a coincidence. No one knew that we were coming... well except for that guard who saw Angel, but there was no way he could figure out that we were on a rescue mission just from seeing him. Right?

I shouldn't have pushed for this plan. Like Angel said, it was one man. We were going to risk the lives of many for just one man. I sometimes hated doing the right thing. I never really got how it always lead to more pain every time I did.

All at once a deathly silence took over the crowd as everybody dropped to their knees at Leon's approach.

"My people!" He shouted with wide open arms. Who did this guy think he was, Caesar? "I'm so glad you could join us today. For today, will be our best show yet!" He acted as if he was talking to a cheering excited audience of some sort. "You may have noticed that the cage here to my right isn't filled with traitors as they usually are. That is because I'm feeling most generous today! They have all been let free!"

Cries of joy burst over the audience. Looking around I could see women crying and thanking God for sparing their loved ones. And yet relief didn't flood me. Dread instead came and filled its place.

This was not good at all.

"Yes, that is right!" He called out to the weeping crowd. "Leon your savior has shown mercy on the criminals. But you all truly owe your thanks to one man."

From the other side of the stage two vampires dragged a nearly unconscious man to the stage, broken and bloody from his beating before hand. His fingers were bent back in a weird fashion along with each and every toe. That wasn't his punishment though. No, the punishment was soon to come.

"Young Mark here has worked with me for five years. Fetching me anything that I needed, he was held highly in my eyes as my personal assistant. Never once did he wrong me." Leon's eyes darkened. "Or so I thought." He moved around the stage, pacing back and fourth. "A couple days ago it came to my attention that he was double crossing me. That my favored servant here was actually every month going out and feeding information to my greatest enemy. For five years he has been selling me out to the people who have tried to hurt me since I came into rule."

The crowd was silent. They obviously knew what this boy's fait was going to be and they weren't sure if they should be happy about it or not. After all, if he hadn't betrayed Leon, then the captives wouldn't have been let go.

"Now, I'm a pretty forgiving guy, I think my act today as shown you that. But how could I ever forgive something like this?" He spoke slowly and deadly sending chills all through out the crowd. He turned to Mark. "I'm sorry Mark, but I can't just forgive and forget something like this." Starring at the kid for a beat, he walked over to the side of the stage which had a blazing fire burning in a pit. Picking up a hot metal iron poker he walked slowly back over to his hostage. The white tip glowed in the air as he moved, and even through the bloody and swollen exterior of his face, you could tell Mark was petrified.

"I don't know how many things you have seen in your life. Things that you decided to share with the people who are bent on taking down the empire." He smiled cruelly, showing a hint of his white teeth. "Well now, you'll see no more."

Screams pierced the air as Leon moved towards Mark. The vampires struggled to keep a hold of him. He was struggling with surprising strength for someone who looked like he could pass out any minute. But who could blame him. A third vampire got up and held Marks head, making sure that his eyes stayed open. With a joyful laugh Leon took the tip of the bar and touched it to Marks eyes. Everyone looked away as the blood curdling scream filled the air.

"Turn back my friends!" Leon demanded of the crowd. "Watch and see what'll happen to you if you defy me." Tossing the poker aside, thankfully not touching the other eye Leon walked to the right corner of the platform, his lackeys following behind him.

"Where are you Angel?" I whispered to myself. I had no idea what the hell was taking him so long but he needed to get here quick before anything else could happen. It shouldn't have even gone this far.

Something over by Leon was emitting steam from the huge tub. I couldn't see into it but I had an idea of what it contained. Leon smiled giddily at the mere thought of what was to happen next. Again I looked for any sign of Angel, but he was no where in sight.

Lifting Mark up, his only good eye widened in fear as he renewed his struggle with extra force. But the vampires were to strong for him. Agonizingly slow, they lowered him down into what the tub. My suspicions were confirmed as the smell of burning flesh filled the air, making people retch in he crowd. Boiling water spilled over the sides, letting everyone in on its secrets.

Grabbing him by the hair Leon snapped Marks head back to make him look him in the eye. Taking a knife from his pocket, he placed the flat blade to Marks cheek. Every so slowly he peeled away the skin of his soft flesh, causing him to cry out in pain. Taking his time so as to draw out the most amount of pain possible, Leon ignored the man's screams of terror and continued to produce thin strips of human skin.

There was so much blood now. It ran everywhere, in little rivulets down and off the stage, staining the grass crimson.

Screams of terror came both from Mark and the crowd as the watched his brutal death. And Leon? You would think he was a kid in a candy shop. He peeled layer after layer of skin, flaying him alive, and he took more joy in it then I had ever seen before.

Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, that I was going to have to start this whole thing with or with out Angel, he showed. Jumping up on the stage, he was already spotted with blood. A deep angry bruise showed brightly on his forehead.

"Hey," he called out.

Leon turned and smiled at Angel, still holding the knife in his hand, pieces of skin sticking to it. "I was wondering when you were going to show."

"Here I am." Angel held out his arms. "Let him go."

"Oh but you didn't say please."

In a blink of an eye Angel had moved over to Leon and pulled him away from the scene of torture, pressing him up against the outside of the cage. "Please." His fangs were bared now as he breathed deeply from the anger surrounding him. I smiled as a hint of Angelus gleamed in his eyes. That was exactly what we needed right now.

That was my cue. Quickly I got up on stage and started fighting the three vamps that were holding Mark hostage. I could hear a commotion in the crowd behind me as the rest of the guards came to try and stop us. But that's what Connor and the rest of them were for. One by one I heard as the vamps got dusted, smiling in satisfaction as I staked one of my own.

Angel's voice still carried over the ruckus though. "You should have learned by now Leon, don't mess with me."

Leon just laughed. "I think it's the other way around Angelus."

I staked the last vampire and hurriedly pulled Mark out of the tub of boiling water. Blisters marred his angry red skin, while other parts were already peeling away. I could easily see the muscle and bone through his right cheek, but the most unnerving sight was the way he blankly starred at me with that one white eye.

"It's okay." I tried to comfort. "I'm going to get you out of here." Looking back behind me I saw Connor come running up with two other men.

"We'll take him." They said as they slowly lifted Mark's battered form, rushing him away from the scene of the crime.

I turned my attention to Angel, trying to signal him to run, that we were done and over with. But at some point while I was getting Mark, the sides had been switched. Leon held Angel against the cage now, with only one hand.

"You shouldn't have shown your face Angelus. You've been smart these past couple of decades and kept away from me. I was under the impression that you were dead."

"I almost was, but your men gave up to easily that night, thinking that I wouldn't be able to get myself to safety. You should train them a little better."

"Believe me; they'll all die tonight for that. They had assured me that you were gone, out of the picture. Of course, they got a stern beating when they didn't bring your body back for me to play with." He leered at Angel. "How I would have loved to hear your screams as I broke every single bone in your body. Maybe I still can" He added almost hopefully

"You'll never hear me scream." He gritted out, spitting blood from his split lip in Leon's face.

"Wrong answer." The knife Leon had in his free hand was now rammed into Angel's gut.

He winced in pain but that was all. "That the best you got?"

Twisting the knife in a slow circle Leon growled. "No, but I'm saving the best for last."

"Look around you Leon. While you decided to try and get a little vengeance, my men easily killed off all of yours. And your little prisoner, well, he's long gone by now." Angel gloated as Leon turned to look and see if what he said was true.

The moment Leon's grip loosened on him Angel shoved him as hard as he possibly could, knocking him off the stage.

"Run." He said, turning to me.

"Not innless you're with me."

"Buffy, I'm right behind you, I swear. Now go."

"Angel..."

"GO!" He shouted. More vampires were pouring in by the minute. In the distance I could see Connor and the rest of the men struggling to get Mark to safety as they were intercepted by at least a dozen more vamps. Connor was the only one of the group with some what super powers. If I didn't go to him then this mission would just be a waist of time. Already they were starting to overtake the group of men. I had to go help them before this got any worse.

But looking at Angel one last time I nearly stayed in my spot. Him and Leon were engaged in a full out battle now. There was something different about it though, almost as if they were holding back with their blows. The sound of battle reached my ears again though and making a split decision I ran towards Connor and the rest of them, hoping that Angel would take the next chance he got to get out of there.


	17. Chapter Sixteen Fear

Authors Note: Sorry for taking such a long time to post my new chapter. School's been really stressful lately. I have two forty five minute speeches coming up soon and so it might be a little hard to update so fast. I really appreciate all the reviews though. Also, scruffybunny, thank you for your comments and input on the story. I really like it when I get feedback like that. Thanks for taking the time to send me something that makes me as the writer think of what I want to get across to the readers. Well, with that said. Enjoy!

_**Chapter Sixteen**_

_**Fear**_

Frantically I paced back and fourth from one side of the room to the other. My head was pounding fast, but I just pushed the pain aside and continued my pacing.

"We shouldn't have left him like that." I stated as I turned to walk to the other side of the room.

"What else were we supposed to do Buffy? You were knocked unconscious and we were slowly getting picked off one by one. If we stayed, we just would have gotten ourselves killed." Connor answered me. He was busy nursing a head wound, something I should have been doing. Instead I just kept wiping away the blood that ran down my cheek. I didn't have time to worry about myself.

"He could be dead Connor."

"He's not dead. You would have felt it if he was."

"Would I?" I stopped my movements and looked at him in fury for leaving behind his father. "I've been dead for three hundred years, I don't know him anymore. What we used to have it could be gone for all I know."

"He's not dead Buffy."

"Would you even care?"

"Of course I'd care. He's a good fighter and we need him."

"No," I said looking at him strangely. He acted as if this was nothing. "He's your father Connor. Would you care if your father died?" He just looked at me un answering. "Forget it." I quickly took up my pacing once again.

I wanted nothing more then to go out there and look for him. To make sure he was okay. But the house we're in was put on lock down almost the moment we got back. No one entered and no one left without the guards knowing about it. There was only one entrance and exit in the whole entire house now, and it was heavily guarded by some sort of magical barrier. A barrier that would only be let down if the sorcerer of the house said so.

I had already gone to this guy and tried to beat him into letting me go outside, but no matter how hard I hit, my blows deflected off of him. After a little over an hour I had to finally give up. Now I was in the study of where ever the hell we were, desperately trying to think of a way that I could get out of here. Get to Angel.

"Angel knows where we're supposed to meat up. I'm sure he'll be here any minute."

"Connor! It's been over three hours now! We need to go out there and find him."

"I told you before Buffy, it's not safe. All the vamps know what we look like now. They're all out on the streets at this very moment searching for any signs of us. We can't risk sending someone out there to look for him, especially you."

"Does it look like I really care about that?" I yelled at him. No matter how much I screamed around here, no one seemed to be relenting. But what else was there to do. "He's you're father Connor! God, would it kill you to show a little remorse?"

"It's complicated alright."

"Yeah? Well you're looking at a girl that's died twice and is still kicking. You can't get much more complicated then that." I glared at him.

"She giving you a hard time?"

My mind and body froze as I heard this voice. Slowly, not quite believing it yet I turned around. Angel leaned heavily against the door way, looking as if he could barley stay on his own two feet. Blood dripped off of him in rivulets almost making tiny little spots on the wooden floor beneath him.

"Angel," I breathed, running up to I threw my arms around his neck. He grunted as the force of my body came in contact with his. "Sorry."

I was about to pull away from him when his arms came around me and held me to him close. He sighed, holding me so tight, almost as if he was worried he was never going to see me again.

"You need to sit down." I told him gently, taking his hand and easing him away from the doorway onto the couch. He unconsciously winced as he slowly lowered himself to the soft cushions below. It was at that moment I knew he was in more pain then he wanted to let on.

"How'd you get away?" Connor asked, with a trace of bitterness in his voice.

Angel seemed to take this in stride though and answered anyways. "Stabbed him in the heart and ran."

I looked at him disbelievingly. "So he's dead."

Angel laughed. "No, he's immortal remember. Killing the slayers is the only way to kill him. I just distracted him that's all." He leaned over and spit some blood to the floor. Taking a deep breath to calm himself he continued. "They know we're out here. I must have gotten jumped seven times on the way over here. They're all prowling the streets waiting for us to slip up. I don't think they know you're the slayer though. Or at least I haven't heard anything."

I started unbuttoning his shirt, slowly revealing a mass of bruised flesh underneath. "We need to get you cleaned up. We can worry about Leon tomorrow."

He grabbed my hand, preventing me from walking away to get the first aid kit. "Are you okay?" He eyed the cut on my forehead warily.

I smiled slightly, even when he's hurt like this, I'm all he seems to think about. "I'm fine. Right now I need to just worry about you."

Connor got up, obviously a little sickened at the way we looked at each other. "I think I'm going to go lay down or... or something."

"Connor," Angel got up, pain lashing across his features as he did. In the end, I had to help him stand, and even then I was afraid to take my arm back from around his waist. The slight sway to his stature wasn't encouraging me. "I need to talk to you."

"Can it wait?" He said impatiently.

"No." Connor nodded his head in consent. Angel hesitated though, not quite meeting my eyes. "Could you leave us alone for a minute?"

I raised my eyebrows. Here he was, barley even able to stand in front of me and he wanted me to leave him alone. "Why?"

"Buffy, I need to talk to Connor. Please."

Was he actually kicking me out? He was kicking me out. I couldn't believe it. Giving a warning glance at Connor I slowly pulled away from Angel and left the room silently, shutting the door in my departure.

With a heavy sigh I flopped down onto a nearby chair. It was times like this that I wished I wasn't so noble. Because of me Angel was in the other room, a mass of scrapes and cuts, all because I had to be the good guy. I had to save the innocent when in the long run it would have probably been better just to let it go. Sure the rescue was a success. Mark was upstairs at the moment being tended too. Within a few weeks time he would be able to start living a normal life again, or as normal as you can get in this town. But was it worth it?

Was it worth pissing Leon off so much that he and every other Tom, Dick, and Harry in this town are now out looking for us. I traded one lousy life in for what? A life in secret? Well, more secret then it's already been. I'm not a fool. It's only going to be a matter of time before this catches up to me, costing the life of someone I love or even myself. Not that it matters if I die. I never seem to stay dead in the first place.

"Buffy?" Connor came out of the now opened door. "We're done if you want to talk to him." He looked upset.

"Sure," I got up from my spot on the cushions and was about to walk right by him. "You okay?"

He crossed his arms over his chest protectively. "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

He glanced up at me and quickly changed the subject. "You should probably go in there. He's pretty beaten up." Without saying another word he walked away.

Trying to shrug it off, I went into the study. Angel had his eyes closed as he sat on the sofa. It was then that it struck me how pale he was. Not just the usual pale, but the kind of pale that should scare the living daylights out of people. He seemed to be as white as a sheet of paper, and the once faint black circles under his eyes seemed to darken by the minute.

Sitting down beside him I felt his head as an automatic impulse from the years of checking Dawn for fevers. He was warm, more so then any vampire, any human for that matter, should be.

"Hey," He said, opening his eyes a fraction of an inch.

"You're running a fever."

"I'm fine."

"Angel..." He interrupted me though.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" A small smile was on his lips.

"Thank you?" It was more of a question then an automatic response.

"I love you."

"Angel what the hell is going on? You're starting to scare me." The foe smile dropped from his face when I caught onto his little game.

"Buffy, don't worry about it. I'm..."

"Don't give me that I'm fine crap, because we both know it's not true. What happened?" He didn't answer. "Was it Leon? Did he do something?"

Silence regained the room once again as he looked at me sadly. The fear that I felt nearly shook my bones. Slowly he took my hand into his now clammy one.

"Tell me that you love me."

He whispered it so quietly I almost didn't hear him. "I love you." I complied.

Swallowing heavily he looked me straight in the eyes. Fear was pouring out of his twin souls so fast that it almost overwhelmed me.

"Kiss me."

Tiny little pinpricks of water dotted my vision at his heartbroken words. Something was happening and I didn't know how to stop it, how to control it. So I did the only thing I could think of.

Leaning down I pressed my lips to his in a sweet slow kiss. I made sure not to put any pressure on his wounds. I just pressed my lips lightly to his, letting him know that everything would be okay. That I was here. Slowly he melted into my embrace and sighed. That's when I knew that the worst had yet to come.


	18. Chapter Seventeen Selfish Human Emotions

Authors Note: Thank you so much for all the reviews. It really means a lot to me. Sorry it took so long. Schools been pretty stressful lately and I've been trying to catch up on homework and sleep all week long. I hope this was worth the wait though. Enjoy

_**Chapter Seventeen**_

_**Selfish Human Emotions**_

He's been shaking all night. Connor says that it's from the lack of blood in him, but the way he didn't meet my eyes while answering me, made me think otherwise. After a few minutes of arguing with him, I finally got Angel upstairs and into bed, dressing his wounds. I know it's silly. He's a vampire, he doesn't get infected, but still... seeing him the way he was, to sit back and do nothing... it just wasn't something I couldn't help.

I talked to him soothingly all during the process, trying to keep his mind off of the pain. The cuts in his chest were deep and wide. Every time I even came near to touching the scrapes he would wince in pain, but never once did he cry out. Angel hates to show weakness, even to me.

That's when he fell asleep. After an hour of washing and dressing every single cut and contusion, his eyes drifted shut. At first, relief had flooded over me. I thought it was going to be a pain to get him to go to sleep. I thought for sure he'd want to get back up and head straight out into battle again. That's what the old Angel would have done anyways. But instead an extreme serenity played across his beautiful face, showing the first signs of peace in a long while. The bad vibes that I had been feeling before disappeared once sleep overtook him. I thought that all it was, was me being a worried girlfriend. If I could be considered his girlfriend. Ex girlfriend would probably be the proper term.

Anyways. I left the room in search of a hot shower. I was gone no more then thirty minutes. But by the time I reentered the little sanctuary where my angel lay asleep; he was shaking uncontrollably and had broken out into a cold sweat. I tried to wake him but that just seemed to cause him more pain. So I called for Connor, and that feeling of dread came right along with him as he entered the room.

He, along with other people in this house, people I don't even know, have been telling me that it's just because he lost so much blood today. That he's just having withdrawals, kind of like what a drug addict goes through during detox. I don't know if they think I'm just really stupid or if they think that I'm to worried to come up with anything worse. But I know that they're not telling me something. If it was just a minor little blood withdrawal, then I should be able to wake him.

"Connor, we have to do something." I started again for what has probably been the fifth plea in the last ten minutes.

"Buffy, I told you. It's just a simple blood withdrawal. It's nothing to be worried about."

"Then why am I worried!"

He sighed and rubbed his hands across his face. I wasn't allowing him to go to bed until I knew that Angel was okay.

"It's just something you're... we're going to have to wait out."

I glared at him, staying by Angel's side, holding his hand tightly. "Fine then, if it's just a simple withdrawal, give him blood."

Connor looked at me a little shocked. "What?"

"It's not that difficult Connor. He needs blood, so give it to him."

"There's no way he'd be able to vamp out in this state."

"It's called an IV tube. Ever heard of it? Doctors use them all the time." I started speaking slowly, as if I were talking to some small child. If Connor was anything like his father, this would easily get on his nerves.

"It's not that simple..."

"Why not? Get some tubing, stick it in his vein, then slowly let a blood bag drip into his system. I've seen it done before, why wouldn't it work here?" I was suddenly glad that I used to watch E.R growing up.

"Vampires won't accept things the same way we do. Their blood doesn't flow through their veins. It's just there."

"That still won't make a difference in forcing some blood in."

He looked at me, a decision about something flitting back and fourth in his mind. At least now I knew he was definitely lying, that something more was going on.

"I don't know what happened between you and your father. It's not my place. But I'm not going to stand by and not do a damn thing when he's lying her like this!" I starred into his bloodshot eyes, daring him to move. "So help me God, if you don't tell me what the hell is going on, I promise you that the pain that he's feeling now, will be nothing compared to what I'll do to you." He rolled his eyes at what he must have thought an empty threat. "You think I'm joking? Just try me."

He looked away and started pacing the room back and fourth, leaving everything silent with the exception of the occasional moan heard from Angel. I never once took my eyes from him, just followed him from one side of the room to the other while keeping a tight hold on Angel's hand, hoping to give him some semblance of comfort.

"I'm not supposed to tell you." He said finally.

"Why not?" My tone was harsh and bitter. Angel was lying here, dying, and he was worried about letting out a secret?

"He told me not to." He gestured to Angel's shaking form.

"Yeah, well he's not strong enough to do anything about it if you do."

"He said you'll just do something stupid."

"Kind of like what I'm going to do to you in about five seconds if you don't blab?" My voice was light and cheery, but had the perfect hint of underlined dark meaning playing in the background. Giving Connor just the effect I wanted.

"He's dying."

"Kinda figured that one." It didn't mean though that the words didn't shock me though. I just got back to this world, just got back to Angel, and now suddenly the fates were taking him away. Why is it that nobody seems to want us together? Why must we always be ripped apart? I would really like someone to explain this to me because I sure as hell don't get it. "Now, tell me how to fix it."

"You can't."

"Wanna bet?"

"Buffy, the only way to fix this is to..." He trailed off, trying to gather his words.

"Is to what?" I yelled impatiently.

"The order of Arelius, Angel's a part of that Order. He was the only vamp that walked away from Leon..."

"You're telling me things I already know."

"Would you just listen?" He yelled impatiently.

"I'm all ears."

"Good. Now, since Angel's a part of the Order and Leon is a part of the Order, they're both connected. They're both decedents of the same blood line, they both have the same blood running through their system."

"You're just repeating yourself here which is kind of making me cranky."

"I'm trying to make a point!" He shouted angrily. Good, at least someone else was starting to become close to what I was feeling at the moment.

"Which is?"

"Leon and Angel are connected. There for one dies, the other one dies."

I starred at him. No thought, no emotion went across my mind except for shock. "You're lying."

"I wish I were."

"No you don't! You hate him! This is all some sort of plan for you to get him out of your life or something!"

"Buffy, stop acting irrational."

"Irrational? Irrational! Connor, the man I love is dying and you're sitting here acting like Mr. Stoic and Calm! How is that irrational?"

"I may have some problems with him, but that doesn't mean that I think he deserves to die!"

"Bull shit! You've been waiting for an opportunity like this to come up since day one!"

"Do you really think I'm that heartless?"

"Right now? YES!"

He shook his head and laughed bitterly. "Think what ever you want. Fact of the matter is that Angel is going to have to die for this world to even start getting better. For him to get rid of the pain." He flopped down into a chair. "Welcome to my world."

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from breaking down and sobbing. Angel was going to die. It was the only way. I knew that. It didn't mean that I wanted to admit it, but deep down I knew that if things were to start getting better in this world, Leon would have to go. In the end, it would mean that Angel have to die along side him.

"I don't accept that."

"You're gonna have too. We all had too. Angel even had too."

"How long have you known." The first tear slipped out.

"Since the beginning. Angel and Leon got in this huge fight, both of them hurting each other pretty badly. It wasn't until awhile later that we found out that every wound they inflicted on the other one, it would show up on their own body, almost like they were inflicting the scars on themselves." He couldn't meat my eyes anymore. In truth, I was glad for that. His eyes were so much like his fathers that I don't think I could bare it if I saw them.

"So... so why now? Why didn't you just..." I couldn't finish my sentence. I was surprised that I could still even talk with the tears that were chocking up my throat.

"Why not off him in the beginning? Believe me, we thought of that. Angel was the first to even suggest it. But it wouldn't work. The moment Leon found out about their little... problem, he cast a spell. Anything that happens to Angel, any cut or bruise, it won't affect Leon. He made it so that anything that happens to Angel would just happen to Angel, but anything that happened to himself... Angel would feel it too. That's how we always know when Leon's hurt, because Angel feels everything he does."

I nodded my head dumbly, not quite sure how I was supposed to react to this. Was I supposed to go outside and scream, kill everything and anyone that got in my way? Or was I supposed to accept this? My eyes grew wide and my head shot up.

"Leon can't die though. He's immortal. That means Angel's not dying. He can't die." I looked at Connor in absolute hope. Begging him almost to give me this. Give me that tiny little ray of hope that I needed at the moment.

But it didn't come.

"Not yet." He whispered it. I know he didn't want me to hear it but I did.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked desperately, not caring that the tears were flowing over and onto the hand that grasped desperately at Angels.

"Angel hurt Leon pretty badly tonight. He then staked him to the ground. If you look on his shoulders, there should be some pretty large holes there."

I turned slowly and with a shaky hand, brushed the side of his open shirt away. A large cut in the shape of a point rested on his shoulder. The skin around it was aggravated and red.

"There's no way Leon would be able to get himself... unstaked for lack of a better word, without help. And since all his lackey's are out searching the cities for us, it's highly likely that he's still there. When Angel talked to me earlier... he told me..." Connor stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to get the words that he needed to say out. "About an hour ago we sent four men to go and try to receive Leon's body. If they succeed, we can make him tell us how to get to the Slayers he's holding and then.... If we get the slayers out of the way we can stake Leon and this will all be over with."

Horror marked my already red face. "That's it? You're just going to torture Leon until he tells you where the slayers are and then you're going to kill them?"

"Basically, yeah."

"What the hell is wrong with you? These are innocent girls we're talking about here!"

"Innocent girls that hold the key to a better world! We take out a couple lives, then we save millions."

"No. There has to be another way. You can't just kill them! You can't just kill _him_!" I motioned back to Angel.

"Buffy, we're at the end of our rope here. What else are we supposed to do?"

"Anything but this! Angel and those girls don't deserve this."

"Don't you mean you don't deserve this?" He starred me down.

"What?"

"All I'm hearing Buffy, is how much _you_ don't want Angel to die. Not for his sake, not to end his pain or the pain of others, but because _you_ want him here. If Angel dies, we could save the lives of millions. Hell, he even wants us to kill him! But that doesn't matter to you. All that _you_ care about is keeping _your_ boyfriend alive so _you_ can lean on him for support."

I starred at him, my blood boiling at the sound of his words, and that genetic sneer. "You selfish son of a bitch."

"I think it's the other way around here."

I stood up, leaving Angel's side for the first time, and slapped him. "How dare you start to talk about what I'm feeling! You have no idea what's going through my mind right now! I have sacrificed Angel's life and my own for this damned world. Yes, I don't want Angel to die because I do need him. But the world needs him too, and if it does come down to it, to the point where we have no other way, then I'll let it happen. I'll hold his hand until his ashes seep through my fingers. All I'm asking for is to try and find another way. He's been fighting for years, giving everything he can for the people of this city. He deserves to be around to see the sun back again, to see people laughing and actually being happy for once. Look for another damn way Connor. Don't just give up because it seems like the fastest way to get what you want. You get rid of Angel, and these people are going to have one less person to save their sorry asses every night. Don't condemn him to death for something that he has no control over."

"Oh don't give me the sob story on how much he deserves to be happy..."

"He does! Can't you see that? Everything he's done since he's gotten his soul has been for everyone but him. There isn't a more selfless man in this world. There has to be another way to kill Leon that doesn't involve killing these slayers and resulting in Angel's death. I've learned that there is always another way. Leon isn't as smart as you people think he is. He's a bad guy. He's going to slip up eventually and when he does we'll take advantage of it, and I can guarantee you that the only one that will die that night is him. Not Angel, not the slayers, not you or me. But Leon. Because he's the one that deserves to die. All the crap that the Powers That Be have put us through, well it's about to pay off."

He looked at me strangely. Almost as if he'd never seen something like me before. I guess a woman standing up for what they believe in isn't common in this world. Either that or Connor has never been shown up before.

"It doesn't matter what you say." He spoke after a moment, a hint of regret tingeing his voice from hearing my words. "They're already after Leon. The plan's set in motion."

"So what. Capture Leon and bring him back here. That's fine. Once he's here, we'll form a plan. That is if they even get here. Leon's men are roaming the city; I don't think your boys are going to make it back here alive." Angel obviously wasn't a in on that little part of the plan. He would never be so stupid as to letting them bring Leon back here with all the vampires roaming the streets, looking for us.

"Look, I don't agree with your plan. I think we should kill Leon as fast as possible before it backfires. Angel did to."

"Yeah well Angel's comatose right now, so what he wants doesn't matter."

Connor ignored me and continued. "Let's just say though that I considered what you just said. Decided to try and look for another way. The others aren't going to like it and I highly doubt they'll go along with it. Knowing them, they'll take matters into their own hand. Every man and woman out there is going to see it one way and one way only. That you're just being selfish."

I took a deep breath, trying to control my anger. "I may want to keep him alive for selfish reasons, I'm not denying that. But if I have to, if it turns out to be the only way, I'll kill him. I won't even hesitate."

We were standing almost nose to nose by the time I had finished. I breathed in and out deeply.

"Good." Angel's voice came floating from the bed behind me.


	19. Chapter Eighteen Blood Connections

**_Authors Note: _**To answer eridani question, this story is completely independent. Thank you for asking though. I always love to hear questions and comments. Also, I would like to dedicate this chapter to dreamsof4ever who sent me one of the best reviews I've ever received. Thank you so much to take the time and write me such an amazing review. I'm so glad I was able to capture the characters. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me. So this chapter is for you, and I hope you enjoy it. ï Thanks to all the others that reviewed, your guy's comments are what keeps me writing.

_**Chapter Eighteen**_

_**Blood Connections**_

He was leaning on his elbows looking at me and Connor. I couldn't decide weather I should run to him and throw my arms around him, or yell at him for keeping this all a secret from me. So I just stood there dumbly.

"I think I'll leave you two alone." Connor slipped out of the room, unnoticed by me.

"Buffy..."

He trailed off, as if he wasn't quite sure what he should say. He had known that he could have died tonight, that he still might die, and he had been going on like everything was normal. It wasn't to hard to figure out why he had held me so tightly when he came here, why he told me he loved me, why he put everything he possible could in that one bittersweet kiss. I looked down at my feet, not knowing what else to do. I had always been sure of what to do when I was younger. Everything always worked out in the end. I killed Angel, I killed myself, both to save the world, and both times, I didn't even hesitate. But now I feel powerless, like the Slayer inside me has suddenly left, leaving me standing in the middle of a foggy road, doomed to roam the rest of my life aimlessly. But isn't that what a slayers life is supposed to be like?

All the books always talk about the one girl, the one who was destined to kill the vampires and stop the forces of evil. Key word here is one. I've always had someone with me, helping me face my battles. Even when I went to kill Angel, Xander helped me do it. He got Giles out for me. And in the end, when the moment that still haunts my dreams came, Angel helped me. He helped me ram that sword through him. I did it because I loved him, because I knew he would hate himself if I sacrificed the world because of him. Now though no one was here to tell me what to do, to help me.

I was alone.

"Buffy, talk to me." He tried to sit up a little further in bed, and after much struggling he succeeded. Barley.

"How can I?" Was that my voice? Since when have I sounded so weak? So helpless?

"I know you're upset."

"I think I'm a little past upset right now." I looked at him, the fire coming back. I was the slayer. It was my duty to be strong. To do things others couldn't. My friends and family are gone, and there's nothing I can do to change that.

"I didn't want to tell you..."

"Why? Because you were scared of what I'd do? Or did you just not want to deal with the guilt of leaving me... again." This is the part where I had to shut down. The warrior in me was coming out to play now, taking away the weaker side of my persona. The side that shouldn't be shown. Not in a world like this. I let human emotions rule me, and because of that, people have died.

"That's not fair."

"Not fair?" I smiled bitterly. "Let's talk about fair. Was it fair to not tell me what the hell was going to happen tonight? Was it fair to let me sit here and not know if you were going to die or not? Was it fair that you were going to leave me without saying goodbye? Is any of that fair?"

"Buffy, if I had told you, you would have tried to stop me."

"Damn right I would have!"

"It has to end Buffy. People are getting hurt out there. It has to end."

"Then we'll find another way to end it."

"There is no other way! We have to kill Leon, that means killing the slayers."

"You'll die!"

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

"Well I'm not!" I yelled.

"This isn't about you Buffy. This is about saving the people out there." He pointed to the window. "This is about making sure that they don't have to live in the dark anymore!"

"What is it with you people? All I'm asking is for us to try and find another solution! There has to be another way."

"What? You don't think I looked? Do you think I want to die?"

"I don't know what to think anymore."

Silence fell over the room as we quietly starred at each other. Everything about Angel and I always seemed to be heartache. That's all we've ever been to each other. In spite of all that though I still loved him. Or at least I think I did.

"It doesn't matter anyways." He finally broke eye contact with me and looked down at his hands. "The men sent out to capture Leon failed. They're dead. Leon had men waiting for them to arrive. He was long gone when they reached the scene."

"I could have told you that from the beginning." That's the one part that seemed to get to me. Angel knew that it was a slim to nothing chance for this mission to suceed tonight. So why'd they go through with it? Our chances to win were slowly breaking down one by one.

"We had to take the chance."

"So you killed innocent lives for a chance, while you laid here in bed. Very noble of you."

"Get out." He gritted out.

"No. Sorry Angel, I know it's your specialty to walk away when things get rough between us but since you're not in a position to move, you're going to have to sit and listen to what I have to say."

Crossing his arms and leaning back he looked at me, daring me to speak. "Go ahead and talk then."

That caught me off guard. I was expecting him to argue with me some more, not give in. I guess things really have changed around here.

"Well, I..."

He smirked that smirk that I used to think was so sexy, but now all I wanted to do was scream in rage at the sight of it. "Nothing to say?"

"We're going to talk this whole thing out Angel. Don't try to change the subject on me. You lied to me..."

"I didn't lie to you. I just chose not to tell you anything."

"Same difference."

"Not really."

"Would you stop!" He was purposely trying to get on my nerves now by contradicting everything I said. The old brooding boyfriend I had, had gotten courageous against me as time passed.

"What do you want me to say Buffy? That I'm sorry?"

"Yes!"

"Well you're not getting that. I'm not sorry for what I did, and if I had the choice, I'd do it all over again."

I started to pace the room, frantically thinking of ways to get him to talk, to open up. "Why are you being like this?"

"Leon needs to die Buffy."

"I know that. But that doesn't mean that you have to die too."

"Yes it does. We're connected."

"Don't give me that 'we're connected' crap because I know there's more to it then that. More then you're wanting to tell me."

A throat was cleared from the door way. Turning slowly, I set my blazing eyes on Connor, letting him know that this wasn't a good time.

"Sorry to interrupt this little love fest but some of the guys down stairs are wondering..."

"It didn't work. Leon's already regaining power." Angel answered his son sadly. "I can feel it."

Connor nodded once. "We'll try again later..."

"Not if I have anything to do with it." I glared at both boys angrily. Connor just backed out of the room, not wanting any part in my anger.

Taking deep ragged breaths, I ran my fingers though my hair, trying my hardest to calm down. To push that slayer in me down. Sometimes I just couldn't believe how fast I could turn around in my emotions. One second I'm upset, the next I'm pissed off. Willow used to tell me that I just built walls around myself to try and keep others from seeing me break down, from seeing my weakness. I'll never admit to it though.

"I want the whole story Angel. No more secrets. You've been trying to protect me from your past for to long now."

He looked at me. I mean really looked at me. Trying to see if I could handle the truth, the things he was about to say. Sighing he began his tale.

"Leon and I were both members of the Order of Arelius back in the eighteenth century. I guess you could call us friends. We ran together for years, pillaging, reeking havoc upon anything we could get our hands on." He wouldn't look at me while he spoke. Nothing really new I guess. He was never very proud of his past. I couldn't blame him either. "A couple of years after you... died, he came looking for me, hoping to restore the order. When I told him no, he couldn't understand why. It wasn't until a couple days later that he found out that I now had a soul. So he tried to remove it. He used a spell that most people don't know about. It would eventually bring Angelus back, but the only way to do that without having someone like Willow just restore me again, was for him to include his blood in the mix.

"The spell somehow failed, I think he might have got one of the procedures mixed up or something..." a small smile played on his face at the thought of Leon failing in life. "So he decided it would be in his best interest to kill me instead. Or at least that's what I thought."

"Why not just try the spell again?" I asked.

"It was one of those one time only spells."

"Sucks for him." I smiled.

"One night, he came to the hotel that I was living at. He... he and his lackeys, they came in without us knowing. I didn't sense them there until it was too late. He used one of those masking spells. They caught us off guard and while the rest of them were fighting my crew, Leon lured me outside. We were at it for hours. Trading blows and kicks, neither one of us gaining the upper hand. I don't know why we didn't notice it before, but every wound we would inflict on each other, the other one would get too. Leon was the first to realize it, so being the man he is, he stabbed himself. I thought that he had gone insane until I felt a pain in my gut. When I looked down, there was the same knife wound that Leon had on his stomach. I don't know how long we stood and looked at each other, trying to figure out just what the hell was going on..." He trailed off, almost like he was lost in the memory of the battle. Shaking his head he came back to me. "Out of the blue Leon just started laughing, almost maniacally. It was I realized that this fight wasn't about me. That he had never meant to kill me that night. I ran inside the hotel leaving him out in that alley. And I..." He was starting to shake again.

"Angel?" I put my hand to his forehead, cursing myself inwardly. I was supposed to be mad at him, not trying to give him comfort. His head was still burning up though.

"They were dead." He whispered after a few moments.

"Who?"

"Everyone. Every single one of my friends were lying on that ground, dead."

I sighed. What did this man ever do to deserve this? Hadn't he paid enough already?

"I remember smelling their blood before even seeing their bodies. It was everywhere. On the walls, the floor, the stairs..." He crossed his arms protectively around his chest. "I was lucky Connor wasn't there that night. I don't think I've ever been more glad that he's hated me except for that moment."

"Why wasn't' he there?"

"He didn't live there. He hadn't for a long time. Didn't really even come to see us except if we needed him. I don't think Leon even knew anything about him at the time."

Silence fell over the room. Both of us sat on that bed, our figures only illuminated by the soft firelight coming from the hearth. The pain that was rolling off of him made me want to cry. I wanted to curl up in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay, that I was here now. But I couldn't lie to him like that. I didn't even dare to speak or move. He wasn't ready to hear my voice yet. He needed to get this out, but I couldn't interrupt. I had to let him do this on his own.

"I don't know how long I sat there, surrounded by their bodies, their sent. Connor finally found me. He heard on the street that Leon had came after us. He just stopped by to see if I was okay and..."

"And what?" I said when he stopped speaking for several minutes, inwardly I kicked myself for pushing him. He lifted his dark eyes up to mine, still not speaking a word. "It's okay," Usually Angel would never speak about his past because he was so afraid of me hating him for it. "Whatever it is, I can handle it."

"I can't though." He admitted softly. "I don't think I'm ready yet."

I reached out and took his hand in mine, squeezing it gently. "Okay."

After a few beats he continued, like nothing had even happened. "Leon's job from then on out wasn't to kill me, but was to break me. The moment he got home that night he cast a spell on himself, so that whatever I felt, he wouldn't. It protected him. He knew that the moment I had figured out what had happened I would just stake myself. I saw an Oracle after that. She told me that Leon and I would be bounded for eternity. Neither one of us would be able to exist without the other one."

"And Leon know all this too? About the fact that he can't kill you without you dying also?"

"That's the problem. I can die without him dying. The spell he did made it so that anything that happens to me wouldn't effect him. So if I die, he doesn't. But seeing how he destroyed all records of that spell, I have to feel everything he does. My life is pretty much in his hands." He squeezed my hand gently. "For years after that night he would do anything he possible could to try and make me stop fighting, try and make me willingly want it to be over, to give into Angelus. I don't even know how I've held on all this time." He shook his head softly in confusion.

"You've had too. For Connor." I told him, trying to help him realize something that it seemed I have only figured out. "No matter what happens between you two, you'll never leave him alone in this world, not until you know he'll be okay. I've seen the way you look after him. He's you're son, and that and that only is what matters to you in this world. If you became Angelus, you would kill Connor in an instant."

"I think that's what scares me most." He leaned back into the pillows and started playing with the edge of the sheet. "I've tried everything I possible could to try and kill Leon. But those slayers are the only way to do it Buffy. Believe me, I don't want to kill them, they're innocent. But it's the only way possible. They've been up there for so long they're probably praying for death."

"And you? You're just going to give up that easily, accept that you're doomed to die when Leon does?"

"Buffy, I've lived long past the time I'm supposed to. I'm ready to go."

"But I'm not ready for you too. And even though he denies it, Connor isn't either. What are we supposed to do without you here? I just got back. I don't know what to do with my life. My friends, my family, they're all dead. The only one I have left is you." I said pitifully.

"I don't want to leave you Buffy. And I sure as hell don't want to leave Connor. But we can't just not kill Leon because it would mean I go too. It wouldn't be right."

"I don't really care about wrong or right anymore. Angel, all our lives we've dealt with other people's problems. We've done everything that the powers have asked us too. I've died, you've died, our friends have died. Don't you think it's time that we get to be selfish?"

He smiled gently. I knew he had thought of the same thing time and time again. Taking what we wanted no matter what the consequences. "We can't Buffy. It's not in us to be selfish like that. We're champions for the good, if we gave into our temptations then..."

"Then we'd be just like the ones we're destined to fight. I know. Doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Believe me, I don't like it either."

I stood up and pulled the blankets up over him, making him lay down. Kissing him softly on the forehead I walked towards the door, letting him get his rest. The effect that Leon had had on him was still there.

Before I closed the door behind me though I stopped and stood leaning against the frame, not turning around. "You know that I'm not giving up. I'm still going to find a way for you to live."

He laughed slightly. "You wouldn't be Buffy if you didn't."

Quietly I shut the door and walked downstairs in search of Connor. He was in the study surrounded by books. Silently I took a seat next to him. "Any luck so far?"

"No. And I don't think there'll be anything in here either."

"Then why are you looking?"

He was quiet, almost to the point where I thought he wasn't going to answer me. Finally though he spoke, not even looking up from his book. "Because he deserves some semblance of happiness after everything he's been through."

I smiled slightly. "That's something we both agree on then." I picked up a book and began to flip through it, looking for anything that would help us with the fight against Leon, the rescue of the slayers, and hopefully, a way to keep Angel alive. He was out of the woods for the moment. That much I knew, but that also meant that Leon was safe and well too.

Sitting here in this small little study I was reminded of the old days. The days when I used to sit in the library for hours with Willow, Xander, and Giles, researching the latest feature creature. For a moment, it almost felt like home.


	20. Chapter Nineteen When Bad News Comes A K...

_Authors Note: Thanks again for all the reviews. I know people are upset about Buffy acting weak, but you guys have to understand that she has had everything she's ever known ripped away from her. She's not going to be the same after that. No one would. I'm sorry if this makes you guys upset, I really am, but I just feel that this is how Buffy would act in this type of situation. Thanks for the people who support me on this and told me to keep it the way it is. Also, I'm warning you all now though, that I was in a bad mood when I wrote this chapter. I don't know if it shows or not, but just in case it does, and just in case I offend anyone, I'm very sorry._

**Chapter Nineteen** When Bad News Comes A Knockin'

Things were going good. Which I absolutely hated. I don't think I'll ever be happy. When things are bad I'm in constant worry that the people I care about are going to be hurt. But then when things are good, I know that the worst is about to come. It doesn't matter how many times I mentally scold myself, I still can't enjoy the peace while it lasts. I'm always dreading what's off in the distance. At least I'm not the only one though. Connor and Angel both are on edge, almost begging for a fight.

None of us have been able to leave this house for over a week now. Leon has men on the street twenty four seven, looking for any signs of us. Angel thinks that he's still hurt pretty badly though seeing how he himself is still having trouble even walking around. Although, his pain will be apparently worse then Leon's since he doesn't have the power of Slayers blood to heal away his aches and pains. And believe me when I say when I mentioned I could easily help him out in that situation, the room exploded. I thought Connor was going to have a heart attack at the mere thought of it. And Angel? Well, he just got that far off broody look that I tend to think is so cute, but he didn't come out of it for almost a full day. I keep my mouth shut on these things now.

The three of us have been researching non-stop. None of us really sleep except for Angel, and that's only because I make him since he's still not at his best. We've yet to find a single thing that could help us though. And it's not like we could go out and get books ourselves. No, we have to leave that up to the other people that live in this house. The people that Leon still thinks are on his side. Even then it's risky. Magic and cult books have long since been outlawed. Leon doesn't want people to get any ideas, as Angel so plainly puts it. If you needed a cult book, you have to go to one of the shops in the black-market. And half the time, when somebody goes there, they don't return.

Angel started rubbing his temple and squinting his eyes while reading the pages. "Angel, why don't you try and get some sleep."

"I'm fine." He grumped at me. I swear, he's worse then a child at times.

"Do you have a headache?" He'd been having a lot of those since the fight with Leon. Neither of us can really figure out why. That would be one of the first things you would think would go away. But this was the most persistent pain of them all.

"It's just a small one."

I laid my book down on the table, marking my spot. "Come on, you're going to bed."

"Buffy I'm fine."

"You just told me that you had a headache."

"It's not that bad. Really."

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him the resolve face that Willow had pulled on me so many times before. "Now."

Connor snorted from the other side of the table.

"What are you laughing at?" Angel glared at his son.

"Oh nothing. I just find it funny how she weighs all of a hundred and twenty pounds, and she's able to get you to do anything she wants."

"That's because she could kick my ass if I don't."

"True."

"Stop talking." I said, trying to be stern. I hated that I had to pull him away from bonding with his son. These last couple days they had barley said anything to each other, but when they did, it was never bad.

Angel sighed. "I don't want to go up there Buffy." He looked up at the ceiling while he said this, softening my resolve. He, for some reason, hated being up in that room by himself. I personally think that it's just his way to stay down here with me, or to get me to come up there with him. He swears up and down though that he finds it creepy up there.

"Fine. You can sleep on the couch." I took his hand and led him to the sofa at the far end of the room, making him lay down, using my lap as a pillow. Within moments he was asleep.

"He's still pretty weak." Connor said from across the room.

I ran my fingers through his hair. "Yeah. I think it's mostly to do with the fact that he hasn't really eaten in the last couple days." Ever since the fight Angel hadn't been hungry. He only sips down a little bit of blood every once in awhile just to humor me. Even then though, he has to practically chock it down.

"He's gone longer without eating before. Don't worry about it."

"Too late." I don't know how many times Connor has told me not to worry about Angel. He should have learned by now that I'll always worry. A part of me thinks that I even worried about him while I was up in heaven. I know that's silly, but I don't think that that feeling of protection will ever really leave me. Not when it comes to Angel at least. Even after we had broken up I was constantly worrying about him. Something most ex girlfriends wouldn't be caught dead doing.

"I'll never get it."

"Get what?"

"Why you love him." He said plainly. "He's a vampire. The one thing in the world that you're supposed to be destined to kill, and yet you love him."

I smiled. "I do. I don't know why I do. God knows we've had our rough patches. But I still love him. No matter what he feels about me, I'll always love him."

"I don't think you'll have to ever worry about him falling out of love with you. The way he looks at you… you're his world."

"Not all of it." Connor rolled his eyes. "Roll your eyes all you want, but he's your father. He loves you more then anything in this world Connor. If he had to choose between you and me, he'd chose you. Despite the way you treat him, you're the one thing in this world that has kept him fighting for as long as he has. Without you, he'd be by Leon's side right now. Probably be his right hand man. There's no doubt in my mind."

"Maybe." He said shrugging his shoulders like it was nothing.

"Say what you want. But you know it's true. I think that's why you've stuck around all this time. You could have hopped a bus to another city any time you wanted before the whole thing with Leon, but you didn't."

"You wouldn't leave him either if you saw what I had seen. No matter how much you hated him." He said bitterly.

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing. I wouldn't want to taint your perfect image of you're savior."

"I know enough about Angel's past already. I don't think anything you say is going to change my views of him."

"They would mine."

"You're not me."

He slammed his book shut and pushed back from the table. "You know what? I'm going to go upstairs and catch some shut eye myself. I'm suddenly feeling tired."

"Night." I said quietly.

"Yeah, whatever." With that he left the room, slamming the study doors behind him. The sound of the door caused Angel to stir and look at it glassy eyed.

"What was that all about?" He asked groggily.

I looked down at him and smiled. "Nothing. He's just tired, that's all."

He looked at me warily. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Go back to sleep." I tried to coax him back into slumber, but he held firm. "I'm not going to tell you so you may as well forget it."

"He's my son, I have every right to know."

"He's also not a little boy anymore."

"He never really was."

"Point being," I cut him off from any other further discussion. "He's an adult. He should be able to make his own decisions."

"Yes he should. But that doesn't mean I can't know what just happened between you two."

"Angel…"

"Buffy."

"I'm not telling you. If you want to know so bad, ask him. It's his business to tell you what he wants you to know, not mine."

Angel looked at me, searching for the answer he wanted, but I held firm. "Fine." He grumbled as he got up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to ask my son what just happened."

"Angel…"

"No," He smiled thinly. "You just said that if I really wanted to know what was going on, to go ask him. That's what I'm doing."

"I didn't mean now." I yelled after him as he went after Connor. Shaking my head I got up and went back to my research. I was only able to get about three minutes into it though when I slammed the book shut, much like what Connor had previously done. The little question of what had happened between Angel and Connor had been nagging at the back of my mind since day one. After all this time, it was finally surfacing, begging me to snoop and find out what had happened. For some reason I hatted that I didn't know this. This little… well, maybe not too little… aspect of my ex boyfriends life was killing me.

Without even realizing it, I had walked upstairs and was standing in front of Connors door, hand posed to turn the knob and go in. "Buffy, stop this." I scolded myself. I was about to turn around and go back downstairs when I heard the voices from inside the room.

"Leave her out of this Connor. She has nothing to do with Buffy and I." Angel's voice came from within.

"Oh really? Then why do you get jumpy every time I mention her?"

"Maybe because that's an aspect of my life I'm trying to forget at the moment." He growled.

I scrunched my brow in confusion, the thoughts of going back downstairs and not interfering skipping out of my mind in an instant.

"Forget huh? Is that what you tell yourself you're doing? Forgetting?"

I creaked the door open a fraction, having to at least get a tiny glimpse of what was going on. Connor was leaning against a heavy oak desk on the far side of the room, his arms crossed over one another, quirking an eyebrow up at his father.

Angel on the other hand was closer to the door, so much that I could see the blinding anger written on his face, see his hands clenching at his side, and see the glares that he was currently giving to his son.

"You're not forgetting, _dad._ You're merely ignoring."

"You sound like your mother so much at times that if I didn't know better, I'd think she'd raise you. Although, she very well could have seeing how she was in hell all the while you were."

"Don't talk to me about my mother."

"Then don't talk to me about the past." He growled right back at him.

"I'm not. I'm talking about the present. You know, the one where you had spent every single night up until a little while ago screwing some two bit whore into the wall." In an instant Angel was on him, pressing his son back against the desk.

"Do you really want to take me right now?"

Connor laughed as much as he could with Angel nearly crushing his windpipes. "The question is, do you?" He croaked up, trying to gasp for what little air he could.

I threw open the door. "Alright, this pissing contest is officially over."

"Stay out of this Buffy." Angel said, not letting go of Connor.

"Let him go." I stated.

"You have no idea what this is about, so stay out."

"I know more then you think." I held my ground.

"Really? So listening in for a few minutes at the door has suddenly given you a valid insight to my life?"

That caught me off guard. "You knew?"

"I'm a vampire. The smell of a slayer is pretty hard to miss."

I mentally kicked myself for not realizing that earlier. "Alright, so I have no idea what you two are fighting about, but I'm not leaving here until you let him go."

"Fine," He let go of him and backed up a few steps. "Now go." Connor glared at Angel, holding his throat. But I knew that no permanent damage had been done, Connor wasn't even gasping for air. Angel had spent years knowing how much pressure it would take to crush somebody's windpipe, there was never any danger of him going to far by accident in this situation. That's what scared me, if he had killed Connor, or hurt him anymore then he already had, it wouldn't have been by accident.

Dark bruises were already forming on Connors throat, in the shape of fingers. I marched up to Angel and grabbed his arm, swinging him around to face me. "What the hell do you think you were doing?" I hissed.

"None of your business, now go." He remained calm with me, but I could see the fire that was lit just under the surface of his calm exterior. I glanced towards Connor, who was openly glaring daggers at his father.

"No." I said simply.

"No?" Angel laughed. "Buffy, do you really think that you'd be able to stop me if I decided I wanted you gone?"

"Do you really think you'd ever lay a hand on me without getting your ass kicked?"

Angel was silent, knowing that I had just called his bluff. I was determined to find out what the hell had happened between the two of them in the matter of minutes that they were talking, to make Angel want to kill his own son. "Now, what the hell are you two doing?"

Angel rolled his eyes and started walking out of the room. "I don't need this."

"SIT. Down." I ordered, my hands firmly on my hips. "Somebody better tell me what the hell is going on before I get testy." I looked back and fourth from each of the boys. Connor was now sitting on the desks surface, and Angel on the bed. "What ? No volunteers?" Neither answered me. "Fine, I'll start by asking the questions. Angel, why did you attack him?"

"It's…."

"If you say that it's none of my business I swear to god I'll come over their and rip your fangs out one by one. Now answer the damn question."

He glared at me defiantly. He could be just as stubborn as I could when he really wanted to be. "Fine," I turned to Connor instead, hoping that he'd give up some information. "Connor?"

Connor smirked. "You know that girl that you saw him with that one night? The hooker?" My eyes darkened at the mention of her.

"Connor, don't." Angel stood up from his position on the bed.

I turned on him. "Shut up Angel. You had your chance to talk and you refused. Now its Connors turn." Angel remained standing. "Continue." I said to Connor.

"I think that he should tell you what she did to him…. What he did to her…" He added as an afterthought. "That's what love is all about, isn't it? Sharing. Making sure there are no secrets between the two. I'm just looking out for my _father's_ best interests."

"Right." I said sarcastically. I turned to Angel. "Anything you want to add?"

He looked me dead in the eye, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. He was pissed, I knew that much, but I wasn't quite sure what this was all about. It had to be more then just the sex part; I knew that he had slept with this girl. So why would he attack his son to keep him quite on something that I already knew about. There was much more to the story then I was even thinking. Without a word Angel turned on his heal and walked out of the room. A few moments later I hear the door slam at the end of the hall.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "Sorry." Connors voice came from behind me. 'You shouldn't have seen that. I just thought…"

"Oh don't give me the sob story about how you thought that it would be the best thing to do. That's not even a blip on your radar screen. You just want to piss him off and only God knows why." I slumped onto the bed.

"He tried to kill me!"

"Connor, if he wanted to kill you, you'd be dead. I'd be dragging your bony ass down stairs at the moment, caring you to the incinerator."

"That doesn't even worry you? He knowingly hurt another human and you're telling me that you're not upset by this what so ever?"

I laughed bitterly. "Upset doesn't even come close to what I'm feeling right now. I used to have him figured out. But now, now his life is so screwed up that he's willing to hurt his own child just to keep me from finding out about something. That fact alone scares the hell out of me. I keep wondering what it is that he possible could have done that would make him think that he has to do something like that. I'm scared out of my mind for him. He's been so lost for so long, I don't know what he'll do anymore, and I don't think I know how to get him back."

Connor was silent, knowing that I was right.

"I love him so much. He's all I have left in this world, and right now it looks like I'm going to lose him." Not a single strand of emotion laced my voice.

"That girl needs help." He said after a moment.

"What?"

"The hooker, she needs help."

"Does Angel know about this?"

"Yeah. That's why we were fighting. He wants to go and help her, but not tell you a single thing about it. He wanted me to cover for him while he goes and deals with it all."

I shook my head and stood up. "And you said no." He didn't answer me so I just left. Slowly I walked down the hall towards Angel's room, the room that I was beginning to think of as ours. I opened it up cautiously, only to find him in the corner of the room in an overstuffed chair brooding.

"Can I interrupt?" I asked quietly.

"I don't see why not."

I walked over and sat on the arm. "Connor didn't tell me what ever it was that you're trying to hide." He stayed emotionless. "I was hoping though that you would." Still he didn't speak, didn't even move. "Angel, I know whoever this woman is, that she needs help. I also know that you want to help her."

"Want isn't necessarily the word I'd use. More like obligated."

I leaned over and ran my hands through his hair until he turned towards me. "How long would you be gone?" His brow scrunched in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"How long would it take for you to do whatever it is that you need to do?"

His mouth hung open as he looked at me. "You're going to let me go?"

I laughed slightly, trying to hide the anger at the thought of him going to aid this woman brought to me. "I don't own you Angel. I can't stop you from doing something."

"If you don't want me to go Buffy, I won't."

I wanted to scream for him to stay, tell him that he wasn't allowed to even step a foot towards her. But I didn't, I just stayed silent.

He sighed and pulled me down into his lap so I was straddling him. Kissing me gently on the cheek he buried himself into my neck. "Please." Came his muffled words. "It'll only be a couple days. I swear. There's nothing between her and I anymore. But this is something that I have to do."

I pulled away from him and made him look at me. "I'm not going to lie. I don't want you to go. I pretty much want to tear this girl into pieces. But I know that it's important to you. And that means, that I have to let you do this, no matter how much it kills me to say it."

He smiled softly at me. "I love you. You know that right."

I leaned my head against his. "Just come back to me." And at that moment I knew that the tiny nagging felling I had been having, the one where I knew that something bad was going to happen, it was about to explode.


	21. Chapter Twenty A Burning Ember

Authors Note: I don't mind you guys ranting in your reviews when this is over. If I was in your position, I'd do the same. Also, I got some comments about my warning of this story being really dark. That was just because I've posted stories like this before and I've gotten people replying saying that I need to put a warning on this. So I just put a warning that this was dark for the people out there that do find this type of story overly sadistic. I personally would rate this as a really light R. Maybe even PG-13

Chapter Twenty

A Burning Ember

Before he had left he had kissed me and told me that everything was going to be okay. That it would only take him maybe three days tops. Well, now we're entering into the twelve day and he's still not back. Connor has sent men out looking for him, but the problem is, no one knows where he was going in the first place. I myself have even been out searching, even though we all know I shouldn't be, but I'm still coming up empty. Not even the slightest feeling of him being around has hit me.

Fear gripped me like it never had before. This wasn't the work of Leon, I knew that. If it was, we would have known by now. Leon would have made it publicly known at one of the little gatherings he held once a month. As far as I knew, Angel wasn't with him, but there was something keeping him from coming home. He would have sent word if things were going to take longer. He would know he would have to because I would go out and stop at nothing until I found him. But not a single letter or word had been seen from him for twelve whole days. I had bruise after bruise on my knuckles from beating up snitches that might know where he is, and still nothing.

I was busy icing my hands when Connor came into the room, looking just as weary and beaten as I felt. "Anything?" I asked in hope.

"Not a damn thing. It's like he just disappeared off the face of the earth.

"I don't get it!" I yelled in frustration. "Where could he be?" I leaned my head back onto the arm of the sofa, clenching my torn fists in frustration. "This isn't like him Connor. He would never be away for this long unless he had a good reason too. I shouldn't have let him gone. I knew something bad was going to happen. I mean, he wasn't even at his full strength yet from the fight with Leon."

"It's not your fault Buffy. He would have gone with or without your approval."

"That's the thing. He wouldn't have. He told me that he would stay home, stay here with me, if I told him too. If I wanted it badly enough, he would. But no, instead of acting on instinct, acting with my heart, I thought about it and told him to go. Told myself that I couldn't keep him from doing something that he was so set upon."

Connor flopped down into a chair. "Look, maybe Leon is trailing him. Maybe he won't come back here because he doesn't want to lead anyone to our location."

"He still would have sent word by now that he was alive. He knows me Connor. He knows that every minute he's gone is a minute closer to me going to Leon and finding out myself if he has him."

Connor massaged his temple. "It's not going to come to that. And even if it did, we wouldn't do it."

"Maybe you wouldn't." I mumbled.

"Buffy, I don't want to fight with you about this again. We aren't going to Leon. Angel wouldn't want that."

"Connor, when I have my mind set in things, there's very little someone can do to stop me." I swung my legs off of the sofa and headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" He called, trying to act as if he cared. If he was anything like me though, all he wanted to do at the moment was lay down and sleep forever.

"Don't worry, I'm not desperate enough to go to the enemy." I opened the door and tiptoed out. "Yet." I said as I shut it behind me.

About a week ago, Connor and I couldn't take it any more and decided that we had to go outside the house and patrol, consequences be damned. The magical barriers keeping us inside were soon removed, after a little persuasion from both Connor and I, and in an instant we were both out the door looking for Angel. I had never seen Connor overprotective before then. As much as he seemed to hate Angel, he was sure in a hurry to get out there and try and find him. It could have something to do with the fact that the last time they saw or spoke to one another, they pretty much wanted the other one dead.

The night air was cool, brushing up against me and sending chills through my bones. It was hard to believe that I had been here for over six months now. Everything seemed to be forgotten of my past life when I had an apocalypse type situation on my hands. The whole thing with Leon hadn't given me a moments rest for so much time now. There was always something to do, always something to kill, always something to worry about. My mind was constantly running amuck, jamming my brain with so much blood and angst that I'm not sure if I knew what to do with it anymore. Three hundred years of peace had gone by; three hundred years of absolute bliss had turned my brain to mush. It didn't know how to handle such situations anymore, didn't know how to receive the information I was given. Slowly, I was getting back to myself. But the question still persists. Did I want to be that girl anymore? Did I want to be the girl who did nothing else but slay, slay, then slay some more? Or did I want to try for a life, try for that normal thing that Angel had been so adamant on giving me all those years ago.

I don't think I'll ever really know that answer. Know what to do with myself. But did it matter?

I turned down a dark alley, not quite sure why I did so, just that it was important that I go down there. Something was calling me. Something familiar. In the distance rats screeched, paper rustled as the wind blew it by, and a cigarette was lit.

I stopped dead in my tracks, not wanting to let the person in front of me know just yet that I was here. Not until I was ready to take action in case it wasn't human. The small ember on the tip of the joint dropped to the ground, giving off a brilliant glow for just a minute before disappearing. Blending into the rest of the soot and ash that littered the alley way.

"Well well. They told me you were back. But somehow I didn't quite believe it."

I froze. The voice was all too familiar for comfort.

The cigarette dropped to the ground as a toed boot came out to smash the burning embers away. Erasing them from our plane of existence. My breathing increased as the boot moved forward. Slowly the figure before me emerged from the darkness. The cocky smirk set in place, the a href"leather20duster" onmouseover"window.status'leather duster'; return true;" onmouseout"window.status''; return true;" leather duster /a , everything about him was the same.

"Spike?"

"Hello luv."

And then the knife penetrated my skin.

The End

Authors Note: Yes, that's right. That does say the end. And no, I'm not kidding about that. It is the end. Please review and tell me what you thought of the story as a whole.

Authors Note 2

Come on you guys. Did you actually think I was going to leave it like that? I mean, I"m not Joss or any of the other writers. I threaten to hurt these writers every time they pull something I just did. Don't worry. Also, don't you guys know the general rule in movies and books. If you don't _see_ the character die, they're usually not dead. Plus, I never once said that _Spike_ was the one who stabbed her with the knife...

The Sequel to Darkness Within is now up. Go to my authors Page to access it.

Sincerely

Your Faithful Writer


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